Whoa...It's been awhile!

So what time better than between the time you take your ambien to the time you are supposed to go to sleep to decide you should blog again! That would be this crazy Momma! Gene is catching up on some very well deserved ZZZZz  in the big comfy bed, while I have chose this lovely leather sofa and an afgan my mama made for me to get me through the night. So why not blog!??

To say there have been some crazy things going on in the world would be an understatement. I hate to say it, but I was listening to the news the other day reporting another shooting, and it didn't even phase me! I cannot believe that people are so INSANE these days. Growing up in the country, and raising our children as we were raised seems like a good start to keeping them safe from all of the insanity that surrounds us, but how do we protect them when they are at an age where they can be influenced by so many other sources.

My child goes to a very small public school and a very rural community. I suppose that somedays you wish they could spend all of their time learning about rainbows and unicorns - and I'm focusing on playground teachings only here. Since the start of Kindergarden, my beautiful baby girl has had three wedding engagements and four boyfriends. They hold hands and walk around the playground talking about their future together, how many kids, dog or cat, etc. What!?? Now, I'm not claiming to have never chased a boy around the playground, but we were playing tag! These kids have some serious feelings out there - we're talking sending home love notes serious! All I know is we are in trouble with this one! Favorite Kaylee quote of the month: "Omie, what do you know about sex?!" Yep...we're in trouble!



Now, this guy...this little man that stole my heart....he calls me "Mama"....FINALLY! He is something else. I have the pleasure to watch his already gigantic personality get grander each and every day. He is still fairly innocent, but I don't imagine that will last for long. He gets his way with Mommy pretty much all of the time. I'm scared that he may be my last baby, so I don't want to spoil the fun by having to be so mean all the time. I'm sure  that is how we end up with Mama's boys, but I'm okay with that. He'll have plenty hunting and fishing time to counter any affects from shopping trips and days at the hair or nail salon! I'm sure that once this little man gets to talking, he's going to have lots to share and lots to learn. I just wish I could protect him from all of the bad things out there and those things he isn't ready to know just yet. Wish I had the answer for that one!


I know that we can't protect our babies from everything, and we can't shelter them forever. I look back to my parents' unwritten handbook on parenting, and I try to remember what they told me, what they taught me, what it was that they did that made me question myself and others, to make the better choice, to own up to my mistakes. We can take them to church, teach them to live by His word, but that's only a start. I always want to KNOW my kids - no matter their age. I want them to feel like they can share their problems with me and pray I'm able to help.

It seems that somewhere along the way, parents forgot that they were raising the future leaders of this great country (what's left of it at this point), and instead they just threw them into the world all hands out, saying "Gimme, gimme, gimme!" We can't do much for those that are already out there, but I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that my children step into this crazy world with eyes wide open and feet planted firmly on the ground! They'll have Jesus in their heart and common sense in their heads. And they will ALWAYS be loved the most by their MAMA!

 

Love and Blessings,

Jessie

 

 

He's getting skinny!

Mister Bryson....the boy that has stolen my heart!

I love this kid soooo much! Bryson has to be one of the sweetest children God has ever made, and I'm not just saying that because he's mine. He is exactly what I need at any given time. No matter how hectic my day is, I can just look at his chubby little face and, for the moment, all my troubles disappear.

Speaking of that chubby face, our little guy is finally growing in a direction other than around the midsection. For awhile, we thought he would be short forever, but he is finally starting to stretch out. I joke with Gene, all the time, that Bryson is getting skinny! I look back at pictures of him in his first couple months, when he WAS skinny, and it is hard to believe it is the same baby!

He is growing so fast, right now, and he changes constantly. He is well on his way to 20 pounds now, if not more, and is measuring in at 27 inches. He is not so great at sitting up, yet, but we think he's just to lazy to try. This boy can crawl backwards like you wouldn't believe! He wants to go forward so badly, but he can only get a lunge in every now and then. He'll sit there and rock back and forth on his hands and knees for the longest time before he gives up. He's a hair puller and a pincher...and will probably be a biter when those teeth pop through! It won't be long now!

One of the most hilarious things he does right now is try to tickle your neck. We are always nibbling in his neck to make him giggle and laugh, and recently, he's begun to do it back to us! It absolutely cracks him up!

Bryson is so much fun, and he's easy-going. He's quite the little man, and we are beyond blessed that he is a part of our lives! I know the next milestones are just moments away, and I hope we can relax and have enough time to enjoy him and remember what he was like at this very moment! Until then....

Love and blessings,
Jessie

Bad Words...

So, it has finally happened... Our child has learned those dreaded bad words, "I CAN'T!" I can recall my parents, teachers and mentors, throughout my lifetime, warning against using these discouraging words, and without their encouragement, I may not have been able to accomplish what I have. In the past few weeks, Kaylee has picked up a number of undesirable behaviors from school, but nothing puts a dagger through my heart quite as swiftly as those words, "I can't..."

I've heard her use them a couple times the past few days, in passing, and decided not to make a big deal about it. I simply told her, "Don't say, 'I can't...'," and I left it at that. We have been running like crazy between meetings, school, soccer, dance and daily responsibilities, so I know  that I haven't been giving the attention where it would be best utilized. Behavior problems have me sidetracked, and no matter what I do, I don't feel like I have the answer to our current situation. In fact, I feel like a "bad mom." I can't even draw from personal experience to fix things because, while Kaylee is much like I was as a child, she responds to discipline in a totally different manner. I've tried rewarding the good behavior, but it seems to backfire every single time. We end up right back at square one. I understand this is all a transition time, and Kaylee has to find her place. In the meantime, I'm going through Advil at an alarming rate!

Kaylee had checked a book out at the library and brought it home on Monday. Sadly, we have yet to have a free moment to sit down and work on reading it. I decided, this morning, we needed to give it a try. We had a few minutes to spare before it was time to leave for school, so Kaylee and I sad down and opened up the book! She was off to a great start with, "Once upon a time," and then she froze up. I explained to just try and sound the next word out, but it was a task just to have her look at the page. She got all jittery and uncomfortable, and screamed, "I can't do it! I can't read!" It broke my heart to see her give up so easily. It's not like her. I told her to calm down and try to sound it out - letter by letter. In seconds she had read through an entire sentence, and she was very proud of herself. I praised her and then asked her to try the next sentence. We went through the entire, "I can't..." scenario once more, and again several more times before we finished the first page. By this time, it was time to leave for school. On the way to school, we talked about how dangerous the words, "I can't..." can be. I did my best to try to explain to her how it is better to try and fail than to not try at all. Of course, this is difficult for a five year old to understand, but I tried to use examples about dance, soccer, Bryson learning to talk, etc. I told her how we all must TRY in order to LEARN and SUCCEED. I told her that we don't always succeed - sometimes we fail, but if you know you have given your all, it makes all the difference! I hope some of it soaked in... I guess we will see!

I'm hoping and praying that things begin to flow more easily and that we are able to make the adjustments we need to, as a family, for things to be "normal" once more. I pray that Kaylee can have the confidence in herself that will allow her to learn and grow and have fun - all at the same time! I know we have many more challenges ahead, and we can only take it one day at a time and do our best to figure it out. Stay tuned for the next chapter!

Love and blessings,
Jessie

Long Overdue Update...

I want to begin by sending out a big "thank you" to every single person who has reached out in support for our family during our time of struggle. We are so blessed with amazing people in our lives, and we cannot begin to thank you all enough for your love, advice and support! So many friends have shared, with me, about their times of hardship and how they worked through it. Sometimes, even the most obvious pieces of advice are the ones you need to hear. I am pleased to say that we have been able to work things out, and in the process, I have made some steps into a brand-new, life-changing career!

By now, most of you know that I have decided to start my own photography business! It's something that I have thought about for quite some time. I have always had a difficult time in putting myself out there for fear of failure. I'm told by all kinds of people that I have many different talents, but I tend to be my worst critic. This time, I decided to take the leap, and so far, things are going pretty good!

I've had two photoshoots, thus far, and I've enjoyed them both more than I imagined I could have. There's just something about looking through that lense that gives me a rush. It goes beyond posing and lighting... It's like getting to know someone! What a gift this business is, that it lets me capture special moments in time for these families! I am so excited about what is to come, and I'm looking forward to all of the photoshoots to come!

What have we learned? Well, personally, I have learned that you cannot predict the future, so when your income is based soley on commission, it pays to be a bit more frugal - even during good times. We have learned to budget. I know, it seems like an easy thing, but when you sit down and figure out what you spend monthly on groceries and gas, alone, you will be shocked! It makes you think twice when you decide how many trips to town you are taking a week. You learn to base your weekly menu off of what is on sale rather than what might please your tastebuds more. I've started couponing! It's much more difficult than it sounds - I promise. Gene has learned to take his lunch to save a few hundred dollars a month. It's all a work in progress, but at least it's progress!

We are not out of the woods, yet, but if we are careful, we can manage. I know we could in much worse shape. There are some people who use credit cards to live off of, and I can say that we do not do that - anymore! (Gene and I both made this mistake in college, and we paid for it, literally, in the end!) We use our credit card for emergencies and occasionally for Gene's work that he gets reimbursed for. It's not even the mortgage, car payment, student loan payments, or other regular bills that get us in trouble. It's the extras....always the extras! We are learning to live with less "extras."

Good things have come out of this bad situation - as they always seem to do. God knows what he's doing, even when we don't. I prayed and prayed and PRAYED for answers during this time. In return, HE led me to a new career - something I can call my own. HE blessed Gene with work that couldn't have come at a better time. HE has helped our relationship by having us work harder at communicating about our finances - something that has been known to cause major marital problems. HE knew what he was doing when he lead us down this road, and I was foolish to not trust that he would show us the way to get through it!

Thank you all, again, for taking the time to show us how much you care! You are all blessings in our lives!

Love and blessings,
Jessie

Has my fairytale ended?

If you had asked me, when I was younger, if I ever thought I'd be a stay-at-home mom, I probably would have told you that you were crazy for even asking such a question. When I became a mother, my ideals of what I wanted for myself and my family totally changed. I had originally planned on going back to work after having Kaylee - even up until she was born. Of course, when I held my precious baby girl, I knew that it wouldn't ever be possible to leave her. Fortunately, Gene's work has allowed for this, and I am beyond grateful for the years I have had to be with my baby girl through every single moment of her life! Our plans, since then, have remained the same. I would stay at home with all of our children until they all reach school age. Our plans, though, didn't include a downward spiral of our economy, and the past couple years have been pretty tough on our family. I have put a lot of thought into how I could help our situation, and the most logical answer I have is for me to go back to work. There is one big reason I am opposed to this, though, and his name is Bryson.

Every time I even think about him or stare into those soulful brown eyes of his, it breaks my heart to think of someone else raising my son. There is not a single person that can love and nurture Bryson as well as I can. Nobody else knows his cry and what it means. Nobody else deserves to see his first step and hear his first word said for the first time more than me. How can I leave my baby to be someone else's after-thought? Why would God allow me this precious gift and not allow me to be there for him? Yes, I am being selfish. I am sad and brokenhearted at the thought. I am overwhelmed with guilt for not being able to be a part of our son's life the way I have been with our daughter's. I, honestly, don't know if I can do it. I don't think I am strong enough to.

I realize that women go to work and leave their children in the care of others every single day. I have many friends who are working mothers, and I admire them for being able to juggle all of the day-to-day activities of being wives, mothers and working women. For some of them, they have careers that they are passionate about. For others, it's a matter of livelihood.

Fredericksburg isn't exactly the mecca for good paying jobs, and even with a Bachelor's and Master's degree under my belt, I don't foresee myself finding employment that is going to be majorly beneficial to my family. Even when I was working, before Kaylee was born, I never even made over $20,000 in a year while working a fulltime job. Take away childcare from that, and what is left? I will have to put Bryson in daycare, plus have to have someone to care for Kaylee afterschool and take her to all of the activities she is involved in. With Kaylee being in school in Harper, I will have to find someone willing to take her to Fredericksburg at least two days a week for dance, alone. How much will all of this cost us, and how much will I end up actually bringing to our family in the end?

I have given thought to several options that would work out better for us, but everything will require some sacrifice. I have thought about substitute teaching, but what will I do with Bryson on those days? My mom could take him on occasion, but she has things to do on her days off, too.  If I could find someone who could take him on short notice and randomly, I would be more than willing to do this! I would love to get serious about my photography, but that would require having people that would actually want me to photograph their children and families. That takes time, but it's something I would really love and enjoy doing. I could watch a couple kids, which is totally do-able, but parents would have to be open to me taking them along with me when I run Kaylee to her afterschool activities. I'm sure Bryson would love having someone to play with, here at the house, though! I've even given thought to working evenings or nights. Who needs sleep, anyways? I'd give it up for my family...they are worth the sacrifice.

Where does Gene stand on all of this? Well, he is opposed. He doesn't think me working nights would be a suitable option since there are lots of mornings where he has to leave at 2 or 3 in the morning for work, and the kids wouldn't have anyone to be home with them during that time. At the same time, he doesn't want someone else taking care of Bryson, other than me. He said that something bad would happen to him, and we'd never forgive ourselves. We are at a stalemate.

I am open to any suggestions that anyone has, at this point. Truthfully, if I could even find something temporary to help out for the next few months, we'd probably be okay.

Would anybody interested in booking some photo sessions with an amateur photographer? I'd be willing to do one-hour sessions for a $50 session fee, and I'd give you a CD with all the edited images and rights to print as you please. If I could build up some clientele, it would be a great jumpstart to doing something I really enjoy. Here is some of my work, if you haven't already seen it:

If you are interested, or have any helpful advice about our situation, I'd love to hear from you! Until then, I am praying for strength, understanding and answers.

Love and blessings,
Jessie



I just finished up on the custom painted canvas of Kaylee's name for her bedroom door, and it turned out wonderful! I was inspired while searching Pinterest, of course... It was there that I came across a custom painted name canvas for sale on Etsy for a whopping $85!!!

That's when I thought, "Wait a minute!!! I had six years of art classes during my school days, so why can't I do that??!!!" What do you know, it was just like riding a bike! It turned out so cute that I decided that it might be something I can use to bring in a few extra dollars to help pay those dance school bills! ;)

So, if you or someone you know is in the market for a custom painted name canvas, please let me know! This one is 11x14, and I would be willing to do it for $30. Whether it be a sports theme for a boy or a ballet theme for a girl, different fonts and numerous colors... I should be able to paint just about anything! It would make a great gift, too! Let me know if you are interested!

Love and Blessings,
Jessie

A Blog About Me...If You Please!

Before I had the joy of becoming the mother of TWO, I had spend two years losing weight and trying to be a healthier individual. I had portion control down, and I walked several days out of the week. Who would have thought it would be so difficult to get back to that after having a baby?!!

During my pregnancy, I gained, roughly, 30 pounds. After giving birth to our son, I lost 20 of that...almost immediately! Then, I began the rollercoaster of gaining and losing - up 10, down 5, up 2, down 7, etc. Well, I finally managed to get back down to that 20 pound loss mark, but I still have 10 to go in order to get back to pre-pregnancy weight.

For most people, that would be a final goal, but I still have a good 50-60 pounds more to go, after that, just to get to the place where the "charts" say I am at a healthy weight. Honestly, I haven't weighed that since I was in the sixth or seventh grade, so it will be something else if I ever manage to get there!

The thing about livng a healthier lifestyle in order to lose weight is that, if you are living with others that aren't living healthier, it makes it a much more difficult task. For this reason, I have asked my dear sweet husband to work with me, and we can become healthier together! Not only does this help give me will power to succeed, it also gives me a bit of "competition" - so to speak. He's already starting out 10 pounds less than me, so he certainly has a head start! I'm sure it will backfire on me, at some point, since he can lose weight rather rapidly. It'll all be worth it, in the end, when we can all be healthy together!

I also have noticed that, as Kaylee gets older, our bad eating habits are beginning to rub off on her. I can't rightly tell her to eat veggies instead of chips as I stand there with a bag of Doritos in hand! She also needs to know that you can eat broccoli without it being smothered in cheese, and burgers don't have to have a half-pound of bacon on them. Don't get me wrong...we are not giving up any of these things, but we are cutting down on the amount that we eat. That is how I successfully lost 85 pounds, and it is how I intend to lose the next round of fat!

I have had a number of people come to me to find out what secret remedy I used to lose so much weight. They all wanted to know what shake, what pill, what fad I had picked up on. The thing about all of those fads is that they are not maintainable! Sure, I can replace high calorie meals with low calorie shakes, and I will lose weight. At some point, though, you get hungry for real food, and most people end up gaining back twice that of what they lost in the first place. Instead, figure out what your average daily caloric intake is, and begin by cutting that by a quarter or third - depending on your tolerance. You gradually cut it down...that's key!

Don't forget that you NEED to eat three separate meals a day. For those who think skipping breakfast will help them lose since they aren't eating those calories, you are sadly mistaken. As my mother's physician recently told her, even if you are not eating breakfast, your body still needs calories to function. Instead of using the fat stores you have, though, your brain tells your body to metabolize your brain sugars instead. Eventually, this can lead to problems concentrating, memory loss, and other even more serious conditions. Instead of avoiding breakfast, choose to eat a small, high protein, low calorie breakfast instead. I prefer one-egg cheese omelettes, toast or oatmeal and orange juice or coffee to drink! None of these things take a long time to get together. If you are an eggs and bacon person, eat one egg instead of two and one slice of bacon instead of three! Eat one pancake instead of a full stack. Even if you aren't hungry, eat something! It makes all the difference - I promise!

Snacking is the devil! If you must do it, like me, keep on hand things like fresh fruit/veggies, yogurt, cheese sticks, saltine crackers, granola bars, etc. Usually, I find I'm either craving sweet or salty, and if I feed that craving, I am set until the next meal! Don't fall into the trap of "grazing" because it ALWAYS ends badly. "Grazing" is trying a bit of each thing until you find what you were actually hungry for. Before you know it, your 100 calorie snack has become a 400 calorie snack buffet!

New mom munchies - I had issues with this. I felt like I had no time to eat a good meal, so I was grabbing snacks at every free moment I had. Not only did this not help with my weight loss, but it made me feel just plain awful! Eating healthier makes you feel happier and more energetic! Nobody can say that starving yourself does the same thing!

Eating out... "Salad for me, please." That, is a terrible idea! For one, the salads most of us get are no healthier than any other entree on the menu. Cheese, bacon, dressing.... If you just like salad, go for it, but don't deny yourself the food you like to eat. My trick is...wait for it....LEAVE SOME FOOD ON YOUR PLATE!!! I know, this is easier said than done. I enjoy my steak and baked potato, so I order it! I eat half, and I leave the rest. This one is difficult for my husband, of course, because he's all about eating what you paid for. Other options for you frugal types is sharing with your spouse/children or taking home leftovers. You can also order children's portions or take advantage of half-orders. Get a Junior burger as opposed to a double bacon cheeseburger. Did you know that Sonic offers a regular sized chili-cheese hotdog, and you DON'T have to get the footlong coney?!! I think you get the point!

Get some activity in, folks! You wouldn't believe the workout you get from just pulling weeds in your flowerbeds! Play with your kids...they are the ultimate personal trainers! Go for a walk. Quit shopping online, and get your behind to the store! You wouldn't believe how many calories you can burn with the slightest bit of activity.

Get the family involved! Like I mentioned before, losing weight on your own is difficult, but if you get your family to join you, there is accountability and support. Cook meals together, play sports together, spend time together. It's all about getting healthy - physically, mentally and emotionally! Get yourself in-shape, and get your family in-shape!

So, that's it... It's nothing fancy. It's not magic in a bottle. You can give me three installments of $19.99 if you'd like, but it's not necessary! In one week of getting back to this, I am already down two pounds. If that isn't enough for you, you don't understand how losing weight works. You didn't gain it in a month, and you won't lose it that way, either! A couple pounds a week is pretty average...and over time, it does make a difference!

So, join me in my journey! Give it a try, and share your success! Good luck in your quest for a healthier life, and don't forget - it's NOT a diet! It's a lifestyle!

Love and Blessings,
Jessie