Remembering Mr. Scott Fields...

The sad news came out today that one of my high school ag teachers passed this morning after a battle with cancer. Mr. Scott Fields touched many lives over his many years, including mine. I found out only a couple weeks ago that he was fighting cancer, so it was a shock to find out that it had taken him so quickly. I found out today that he'd been fighting the cancer since 2010. While we are sad at the loss of such a great mentor, we can find solitude in the fact that he is no longer in pain, and he is with the Lord.

When I think back on my memories of Mr. Fields, so many different ones come to mind - even some that should be left unsaid! For those who knew him, they remember the energy that he had about him. He was always busy with something, his desk was ALWAYS a mess, and he never stopped moving. He never hesitated to throw a workbook, or a chair for that matter, across the room out of frustration. We all know that each of us gave him plenty to be frustrated about! At the same time, he would be there for any student, no matter the situation. He wrote me a multitude of recommendation letters when I was applying for college and scholarships. He's the reason that I went into college with plans to teach high school agriculture. He plainly told me, "You don't want to teach ag! Do you want to do something where you have to work all of the time and get paid squat!??" Well, those were close to his real words...that I am sure! I can remember asking him if he liked his job. In reply, he told me that he didn't like it...he loved it, but he'd never recommend it. That was him...honest to a fault!

When I started ag, my freshman year, I can remember meeting Mr. Fields and Mr. Usener, his teaching partner, for the first time. I'd heard the horror stories already. Mr. Usener didn't like girls in ag, but Mr. Fields seemed to believe in giving everyone a fair chance. When we started doing judging contests, I tried my hardest, but I never did that great. Our sophmore year, we lost Mr. Usener early in the school year, and Mr. Fields took on more than any one man should ever have to. I believe it was a week or two after losing Mr. Usener, Mr. Fields called my house late one evening. My mom had answered, and he had asked to speak to me. She handed me the phone and told me who it was. I remember thinking, "What could he want from me?" On the other end, in that tone that he had, he quickly asked me, "Would you be interested in going to the Land Judging contest this weekend?" Of course, I said sure, and from then on, I was always treated with respect in his ag program. I may have never been the best at any of the judging teams I was placed on, but I was "dependable", and I think that is always what he needed from his students. And that is was he always was to us!

Teachers have to be there for their students. Well, that is what should be, but unfortunately, that is not always the case. Mr. Fields was always there for me, though, and for that I will always be grateful. My senior year, I was showing in my last stockshow ever. It was the San Antonio stockshow, and my pig was awesome! Cody Stone, the 4-H agent at the time, was confident that my pig was capable of winning the show. I, knowing how much work I had put into this project, was excited about this! I can still remember, to this day, how it all went down. The first job of our ag teachers was to double check all of our pigs with their validation papers. When they came to my pig, there was a problem. One of the ear notches had not been recorded correctly when my pig was validated. This was something I should have double checked at validation, but I didn't. The other ag teacher said he would take care of it, and told me not to worry about a thing. The next day, as I walked my pig into the show ring, the judge took one look and sent me to a holding pen. Mr. Fields and Cody were quick to my side with excitement. The ring-men came along to check the validation paperwork on each penned pig, and mine, of course, wasn't correct. I was sent back to another holding pen along with another little girl who's pig was missing a tag all together. Mr. Fields and Cody followed me, and they stood by me as the ring-man told me that they would have to send my pig to "the trailer." Mr. Fields filled with anger while trying to take responsibility for the mistake, my mistake. He begged and pleaded to the ring-man to let me show my pig. He told him that this was my last show of my senior year, but it didn't matter. The ring-man replied, "I already let that other girl's pig back in without a tag. I can't let two in with problems!" I was devastated, and so were Mr. Fields and Cody. As I exited the ring to the trailer, I was told that the judge pulled the ring-man aside, pointed at me, and asked why I was being sent away. I can only wonder what kind of success my hard work would have provided me that day, but I never had to wonder if my ag teacher had my best interests in mind. They were as heartbroken as I was that day. Mr. Fields apologized to me over and over for not making sure the validation was fixed the day before. I told him that I knew it wasn't his fault - it was just a hard lesson learned. Mr. Fields told me, some years later, when I was home from college taking in the local stockshow, that he continued to use me as an example every year at validation time! I'd like to think that I had impacted his life, that year, as much as he'd impacted mine!

I could sit here all day and write about all of the great things I remember about Mr. Fields. I can tell you about him driving like a maniac in school vehicles, off-roading in the caravan during land judging, and slamming on the brakes of the bus for "brake checks." I can tell you about him calling the last motel available in Stephenville after our other hotel reservations got screwed up and threatening the motel owner/manager to bring 20 high school students to sleep on the floor of his lobby if he didn't give us rooms for the night. Trust me, we would have rather slept on the bus than in this motel, but he made sure we had a place to stay! I can tell you how he always let us leave campus to go get donuts in the morning - as long as we brought him some! There are so many memories in my mind, and I know there are many more from his other students, too!

Mr. Fields wasn't always perfect, and he probably could have never passed a teacher evaluation if they knew what really went on in his classes. But, he was one of the most inspirational teachers I ever had. He was the reason I didn't completely hate high school, and that is saying a lot! Mr. Fields, I hope you know how very much you meant to me, and I hope you know how many lives you touched in your many years on this earth! You will be greatly missed, but we will carry all of these cherished memories with us until the end of time!

Love and blessings,
Jessie

Am I Ready for This???

So, we had a parent's meeting last night at Kaylee's dance school. The purpose of the meeting was to discuss competitions, dates, fees, etc. I thought the money part would be the most difficult for me to swallow, but it wasn't that bad, at all. For now, Kaylee will just be doing group dances. The real big bucks come in with additional solos and other dances. We'll have to pinch a few more pennies here and there, but I think we can handle the financials for now!

The real big shock came about when the dates of the competitions were read out. First competition, March 31st thru April 1st (i.e. a week before my due date). Second competion, April 13th thru April 15th (i.e.  a week after my due date). Third competition, April 20th thru April 22nd (i.e. the weekend of Aggie Muster). It really didn't set in until this morning when I was programing everything into my phone calender, how  much this is really going to impact our lives.

Lord knows, having a baby is stressful enough without scheduling conflicts. I can tell you right now that Kaylee will NOT be doing t-ball in the spring! I just can't handle it, and I know there would be no way to fit that, too, into her already buzzing schedule! I am running through scenarios in my head of how everything is going to pan out already. Maybe the baby will come a couple weeks early? Reality check...will I be able to take a week old baby to Kaylee's first competition? Will the baby arrive on it's due date? Okay, then we have an Easter weekend baby...making planning birthday parties interesting on certain years. Still, I can handle that. Surely, I can handle whatever comes along, but am I ready for it?

We are very fortunate and blessed to have some friends and family who have stepped in to say that they will make sure Kaylee gets to and from competitions and has an enjoyable experience, should we not be able to be there ourselves. Still, my heart breaks to think that I may miss my baby girl's first competition, or any of them for that matter. A good mommy would be there to fix her hair and put on her make-up. A good mommy would be there to take pictures so that she has those memories to treasure for years to come. A good mommy would be there to cheer her on as she dances her heart out on the stage in front of an audience. Am I ready to miss out on this?

On my end, what if I am having the baby on a competition day? Kaylee will have to miss the birth of her brother or sister. My sister will not be able to be by my side to help me through my labor and cut the cord like she was with Kaylee. How sad would it be to not have some of the people closest to my heart there when this new life comes into this world to meet us? It brings tears to my eyes to even think about it!

One might ask, "Why not wait another year for Kaylee to do competition?" I ask the same question myself. She wants to do it so badly, though, and I just don't have the heart to tell her that she can't do it! How do you tell a little girl that is putting everything she has into something that she will just have to wait? I can't do that. I can't tell my little girl that she can do anything she sets her heart to, then turn around and take it away. I won't do it!

Am I ready for this? It's not like things are ever going to slow down. Kaylee is getting older. She is doing dance and soccer, now. Next year, we'll add school into the mix. Then 4-H and stockshows get mixed in. Not to mention, there's this other little one here that will be needing us, too! I guess every mother going from one child to two goes through this anxiety at some point. Every mother asks themselves, "Am I ready for this?"

I guess I will just have to let everything play out, and what will be, will be! Despite the best planning, none of us really have any control over life. There will be days when I will feel on top of the world, like I am the best Mommy ever! Other days, something will come along and knock me back down to reality just to make sure I know that I am only human and, despite my best efforts, will not always be able to do everything right. For now, we will all have to wait to see how this story plays out, and I will find out along the way, the answer to that great question - am I ready for this?

Love and blessings,
Jessie

Reflection...

I had no plans to attend church today as I drove to town to take Kaylee to Sunday school for the first time in weeks. Though today was the 165th Anniversary of Holy Ghost Lutheran Church, not to mention the 10 year anniversary of 9-11, I hadn't given any thought to the fact that today would be a great day to go worship in the house of the Lord.

This morning, when we were getting ready, Gene had the Ground Zero program on the television. I sat and watched for a few moments as they read names of those who lost their lives that day, and my emotions started to get the better of me. I mumbled to Gene that this was too sad for me to watch right now and got up to go brush my teeth. I hadn't even thought about the fact that Kaylee was in the room watching, too. On the drive to town, Kaylee asked me, "Mama, why were those people on the t.v. so sad?" I tried to compose myself and come up with the words to explain to my four-year-old what happened on that fatefull day 10 years ago. I must have done a good enough job explaining because after a moment of thought, Kaylee replied, "Mama, I'm going to pray for those planes and the people who died and their families." All I could muster up with tears in my eyes was, "That would be kind."

I didn't lose anyone that day, yet it still brings a lump to my throat to think about all of those who did lose their loved ones. I can't help to think of all of the brave men and women who have lost their lives since defending our freedom because of that day. I think of the families who must be lost as their loved ones continue to fight for our freedoms. Sadly, most days go by without a thought of how different the last 10 years would have been were it not for the terroristic acts of 9-11.

We all remember where we were when the "world stopped turning." I was taking a finance exam, and knew nothing about what had happened until I met up with my college roommate for our Animal Reproduction class in the Kleberg building. I can point out the exact bench I was sitting at when she told me what had happened. I can remember thinking, "This isn't real....this didn't happen." Students were abuzz talking about people they knew who worked in the towers. I can remember one of my friends saying that our Ag Economics professor and is wife were there for a meeting that morning, but word had it, they were okay. For our campus, it was a dreaded reminder of lives lost on our campus just a couple years earlier when bonfire collapsed. That anniversary, too, is coming up soon. You just don't ever think that something like that will happen in your life.

Back to this morning, I dropped Kaylee off at Sunday school and then ran a few errands. I came back to get her when Sunday school was over, and was greeted by Kaylee and her friend, Rylie, ready to go to church. I asked, "Do you REALLY want to go to church?" - secretly hoping she'd change her mind. In the past few weeks, my pregnancy nausea has been a lot to handle, and I wasn't sure if I was prepared to withstand a full church service. I gave in, of course, and we went on our way. I am so glad that I did. Today's message was one that really reached to the core of everything going through my mind. We touched on "scars" and how, good or bad, they help us to remember signifcant events that have impacted our lives. There are scars left from the moment that plane hit the first tower. There are scars left from the moment we found out that we lost fellow Aggies when bonfire collapsed. There will now be scars for all of those who have lost homes and more in this past week to wildfires in Texas and floods to the east. I have a scar on my heart that will remind me each October that we have a child awaiting us in heaven.

I'm glad I went to church today. I think I needed that time of reflection to remember all of the things it hurts to rememeber. I can reflect upon all of those events in my life that made me a stronger person, a better mother, a better Christian. I would hate for there to come a day that I couldn't find solice in my grief. Fore, if we can't do that, all of the loss was useless. If we can't take the sadness of the loss of life on 9-11 and the 10 years since then and turn it into something positive - all is lost. I can honestly say, I hate war, and I hate that our service men and women have to sacrifice so much during war. But, I do support them, I support the cause, and I support the fight. If they weren't out there doing what they have been trained to do, all of those lives lost will have been in vain.

On our ride home from church, I had another talk with Kaylee. She hadn't listened well in church, so I thought she needed some help to understand the message. We went over the 9-11 story once more, and we spoke about the wildfires. I asked her to think about all of the things and people in her life that are important to her. I asked how she would feel if those things and people were taken away without warning. We came to the conclusion, that we have so many things to be thankful for in our lives, and there is never a bad time to stop and thank God for all his blessings he has bestowed upon us. There is never a bad time to think about the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and what he gave up for us. It doesn't have to be Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter to really stop and reflect on all of these things. It can be done at anytime and anywhere.

Thank you, service men and women, for defending our freedoms so that we can live with less fear in our lives. Thank you, Kaylee, for the push to go to church today, and thank you, God, for your one and only son, Jesus Christ. I leave you with these wise words my pastor once told me in a time of hurt, "We, as humans, are imperfect. The world is an imperfect place. Even, God is imperfect. We can't always understand it, but we must trust in God's grace and mercy to help us through."

Love and blessings,
Jessie

Over the hump???

Tommorrow, I will officially be nine weeks pregnant! My baby is nearly an inch in lenth with a fully functioning heart, fingers and toes...and more. I am over the hump, so to speak, compared to our last pregnancy. I've made it a week farther along, so far, and everything is going perfectly! It's difficult not to have that fear in the back of my mind, though - that fear of a loss. I am doing everything in my power to push that fear away, and I am enjoying every moment of this life growing inside of me!

I plan to keep blogging throughout this pregnancy, not only to let our friends and family in on everything that is going on, but so I can remember how I felt throughout this adventure. When I was pregnant with Kaylee, I was working full-time at the title company. My job was stressful, I had all-day morning sickness throughout my first trimester, and I had high bloodpressure the entire time. Looking back, I wish I'd have been able to relax and enjoy being pregnant. That tends to happen, though. We don't remember the good things...only the bad. With this baby, I get to be a stay-at-home-mommy, which is the greatest job in the world! Our baby gets kisses and hugs throughout each day from his/her big sister, and he/she is enjoying a nice, stress-free environment to grow and flourish! My bloodpressure has been doing great and is under control with meds. Though I have waves of nausea and a sleepless night or two to deal with, I am enjoying every moment of this!

I won't bore you all with baby bump photos each week or animated tickers showing our progress. I will admit, I did take a "bump" photo after I got our positive test, but only for reference! Perhaps I'll take another one after we've made it through this first trimester. I can post them together so that everyone can see how much I've been eating these past few weeks!

I will be honest and admit that I have been searching the internet for nursery ideas, trying to decide if we'll get a new crib or use Kaylee's, and of course, wondering if this is going to be a boy or a girl! I've decided we'll get a new crib bedding set, no matter what. Kaylee's is in the same shape as the day we purchased it, but I just want this baby to have something different! Kaylee's crib was a nice crib (and pricey), but it was also recalled. We never had issues with it, but I can't help but want something new and safe - and a different finish! It will be a decision made much later on, and it will also depend on how many houses Gene builds between now and then! As for boy or girl, I still don't know...it's driving me crazy! I knew with Kaylee....somehow. The last pregnancy, I had told Gene before I'd even tested positive that I knew I was pregnant and that it was a girl. We won't know on that one...not until we meet our child in heaven one day. This time, though, I have no clue. Like I said before, I didn't even think I was pregnant! Until we had our ultrasound, my paranoia had me convinced it was twins. Thank goodness, we ruled that out! Now we have this little baby growing in there, and we won't know for a few months whether it's a he or a she! Kaylee says it's a baby brother, but we are convinced that is only because that's what she wants at the moment! My mom's friend, Sweetie, is supposed to be the expert at guessing, and she says boy as well. Only time will tell!

Names.....well, we have them picked out, but we also had Kaylee's name picked out, too! She was Taylor Katherine Leonard until I got pregnant. Then we decided that her name wasn't Taylor...it was Kaylee! When we found out we were pregnant last time, I told Gene that I liked the name Bethany, so that is what we named her. I guess if she turns out to be a he, he may not care to much for us calling him Bethany all these years! This time around, we have a few names on the list. Our top girl name at this time is....well, if I told you now, that would spoil the surprise! We are still debating on a boy name - well, I am! Gene still wants his namesake, but I am opposing it more and more as time goes on for a number of reasons. I've thrown a couple others into the mix for Gene to think on, so we will see! We are thinking it will be early November when we find out for sure whether this is a boy or a girl. Whenever we find out, we'll be sure to let you all know!!!

Well, that is all of the exciting news I have for now! Things have been pretty uneventful, and I look forward to them staying that way. If you don't mind, keep us in your prayers and thoughts, and we will let you know about anything new when there's anything new to know about!

Love and Blessings,
Jessie

My 1st Pregnancy Post - written one week ago!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011  - Well, it finally happened! We are expecting our new addition in April of next year, and we are so very excited! I’m writing this as I am 6 weeks and 4 days along in this pregnancy. By the time it’s posted, I’ll be farther along, but these words have been fighting to get out since the moment I saw that second line appear on the test!

 Neither Gene, nor I, thought we had made a baby this month – our third round of clomid. I thought I was pregnant the first round, Gene thought it was the second, but of course, I wasn’t.  I guess I just didn’t want to think about it anymore. Each month was harder and harder. We had hit the “2 year mark” of trying for a second child, and I was all but ready to give up completely. Had we been forced to finish out all six rounds of clomid without success, I was giving up hope on ever having another child. Fortunately, God answered our prayers when we least expected!

Kaylee was the most excited about the news! We had waited the entire day of us knowing to tell her. I just told her that we had a big surprise for her, and we’d tell her when daddy got home from work. If I could have frozen time at that moment, just to have a second longer to see that look on her face, it would have been priceless! She has been, nonstop, praying to God for her baby and for it to be safe and healthy! She was so scared, when I went to my first OB appointment that the doctor would take the baby away. That – almost made me cry. Of course, that’s what she remembers about the last time around. She watched them draw my blood over and over during my miscarriage, and she thought that me going back to that doctor and that office and having them take my blood, would take this baby away as well. We are doing our best to reassure her that everything is going to be fine, and we tell her to keep praying for this baby and its safe arrival!

 My first OB appointment was at 5 weeks and 4 days. That is early, but due to my prior miscarriage and being on clomid, Dr. Cornett wanted to make sure everything was on track. We did the usual weight, height, blood pressure check, and discussed diet and exercise. (Mostly that I was to stop dieting all together and that she wanted me to stay OFF of the scale!) I told her how I’d lost six pounds the week I tested positive, and I had gained five back. Since then I’ve lost another four. (I just can’t seem to stay off that scale!) I have added significant calories to my daily intake, especially considering that I was on around a 700-800 calorie diet! This little one just seems to be very hungry! Dr. Cornett remains cautiously concerned about my eating habits and pries information from my family members about whether I am eating enough! I am….I promise! The lab did a full blood workup on me, and I received a call from the nurse yesterday that my progesterone levels were very high! That means nothing to worry about! I have an ultrasound scheduled for August 23^rd, and I have decided that if we get good news from that, we’ll be ready to announce our great news to the world!

We had debated waiting out the first trimester, but there are a number of reasons I want to make this announcement. For one, EVERYONE knows we have been trying, and so many people have been praying for this to work for us. I cannot thank all of you enough for the prayers, support, and the kindness of lending an ear to just listen! There’s also the fact that so many people have already found out. They either right out asked me, or was told by one of my family members that couldn’t hold onto the secret. This news has been so exciting, and it’s difficult not to show that excitement – not to mention it’s difficult not to SHOW! For some reason, this little one wants to pop out faster than Kaylee did! While most of it is bloating, there has definitely been a change in shape recently. Being that I have been on the weight-loss track for so long now, people close to me notice the physical changes in my body more readily. The last thing I want is for someone to think I have given up on getting healthy, so if that means telling people that a “bump” is imminent, then so be it!  Finally, we have been through one loss, and having the support of everyone around during that time was key to me getting through it. God forbid something go wrong with this pregnancy, I’d rather have the support of all my loved ones to get through it. For now, everything seems to be great! I feel great – well, if tired, nauseated, dizzy and bloated can be categorized as great! I feel PREGNANT! That is a great feeling!

Thank you all, again, for helping me get through the last two years, and thanks in advance, for helping me get through the next….well….eight months!

(1st Ultrasound - 7 weeks 4 days....heart pumping away at 150 bpm!)

Happy 35th Wedding Anniversary, Mom and Dad!

Thirty-five years ago, on June 12th, 1976, two of the most important individuals in my life became husband and wife! Debra Jean Klein, age 16, married Herbert Wiley Kelsay, age 21. Oh, gasp! That's right! And who would've thought it, they are still going strong today! I hope you both are having a fantastic time in Jamaica!

It's amazing, when you think about it, that they made it! Over half of marriages end in divorce, and marriages of teenagers are even more likely to fail. Now, dad wasn't a teenager, but he was still very young. For those of you doing the math, my sister wasn't born until January of 1978, so it wasn't that kind of wedding!

My parents met at a Christmas party. It was love at first sight! Don't you all wish it would've been that way for you?!! Six months later, they were married. Some said they'd never make it. After all, my dad was marrying a child, so to speak. I was told over and over again, growing up, that times were different then. I can tell you my daddy wouldn't have let me marry a 21 year old man at the ripe age of 16. For that matter, he wouldn't have let me marry at all! Not that my life's ambition at that time was marriage. I was looking more towards going to college and having a great career!

The past 35 year journey hasn't been without it's bumps and forks in the road. My mom became a mother at 18, and she stayed at home with my sister and me until we were both in school. That meant a single income for a family of four. We didn't eat out. We hunted deer and gardened. We wore secondhand clothes, and we didn't always have the coolest new item. What we had was far greater in value - family!

I didn't realize it growing up, but as I have looked back on my youth, I have discovered that I was very fortunate to have the upbringing I had! We worked hard picking rocks, cutting firewood, hauling brush, working livestock, etc. Nearly ever other weekend, we got to go visit our grandparents in San Antonio. All of our aunts, uncles and cousins would come over, and we always ended up having a great time! During the week, my mom would take at least one trip into town to run errands. She would drop us off at my Oma's (my great-grandmother), and we would spend the entire day watching her crochette, read her Bible and tend to her flowers. The days we spent at home, we played house and dolls and ran around outside. Our imaginations were endless! As we grew up, things changed, as they do. My sister went to school, and then I did, too. Mom cleaned houses, worked at a daycare, then went on to a successful nursing career. One thing always stayed the same, throughout my entire life, though. Each evening, my dad would drive up the driveway. He'd get out of his truck, and we, as a family, would meet him at the door, grabbing his lunchbox and offering up hugs for all of his hard work! This....was a constant. To this day, if we are "home" when he gets home, we still greet him at the door with those hugs!

As I stated before, my mom was very young when she took on the roles of wife and mother. She had to learn to cook and take care of a family at a much younger and faster pace than many others. She didn't go out with friends, and never, did my parents get to go out on a date! She put us first in everything she said, did and lived. I look back and realize how, indeed, devoted she was to our family! When she decided to go into nursing, it very well may have been the first thing she did with herself in mind. She had to begin with getting her GED. I can remember watching her toil over books and cry when she thought nobody was watching. It was a challenge. I remember when she found out that she passed the test and how proud she was! We were proud, too! She went on to work her way up the ladder. She started at a nursing home as a nurse's aide. Yep, she changed bedpans, wiped butts and every other thing she was required to do. The next step was to become an LVN. She had moved on to the hospital at this point. My sister and I were in high school at that time, so she got to work through all of this while dealing with our raging teenage years! We were so proud when our Mama walked that stage and got her LVN pin. She was, and still is, an inspiration for both my sister and myself! Since then, she has furthered her education and now works as a Registered Nurse!

My dad was also young when my parents married, but he had already learned the responsibilities of taking care of a family being one of the middle of 14 children. He has always been a hard worker, and was forced to choose work over his education late in his high school years. The school counselor wouldn't approve roofing as a co-op job, while he was in school, but it was the only job he could do that paid enough to help feed his family. So, that was it - he quit school to help support his family. When he and my mom married, he continued doing this kind of work. When they decided to move to Fredericksburg from San Antonio, he took a job at Mooney Aircraft in Kerrville for a short time and then, later, went to work for a local Fredericksburg contractor. When I was in college, he moved onto another local contractor, and will probably work there until my mom lets him retire! He's always worked hard, and his body is paying him back, now, for that. He still says, though, that he doesn't feel old! He just celebrated 56 years, and with any luck, we have many more of those to celebrate with him in the future!

To say that my parents are young at heart is an understatement! During my days in Aggieland, everyone loved when my parents came into town. They were always fun to "party with!" A few years ago, they decided that it was time to see all of the things they had wanted to, and they began taking trips, flying to Playa del Carmen, Puerta Vallarta, Alaska and Las Vegas. They drove to Louisiana, Mississippi, New Mexico, Colorado and Oklahoma. They bought a fifth wheel camp trailer, and they take it and the boat to go fishing several times a year. They put in a pool last year, and they have many more plans in the works! This year, being the 35 year mark, they decided on Jamaica! From all of the phone calls I have received, thus far, they are having a fabulous time!

My parents are such warm and giving individuals! They will do anything you ask of them, and they are the best grandparents to three wonderful grandchildren! They are not just my parents, they are my friends! I am so very blessed to have them in my life, and I can only hope that seeing their love grow throughout the years will only help me and Gene have a love just as great! So, to the dearest people to my heart, here's wishing you both a Happy 35th Wedding Anniversary, and many more to come!!!

I could be sad today...

May 27, 2011....It's just another day on the calender to most people, but to me, it will forever have another meaning. May 27th was the day our baby was due to come into this world. I have dreaded this day for the past seven months. Seven months, that's how long it's been since our little angel we call Bethany, left our lives.

I never thought I would be able to handle this day as well as I have, so far. Granted, it's only noon as I write his blog, but I feel in my heart a feeling that comes unexpectedly - like the feeling of a wound that has healed. Don't get me wrong, the scar will forever be there, but the hurt fades more each day.

I wrote a letter to Bethany a week from the day I found out I was losing her. It was painful, but theraputic. Today, I will sit down with the only photos I have of her, taken the day I saw her heart beating, and I will read that letter. Then, I will put it away and do my best to promise myself to move on.

There is another child awaiting it's time to be our miracle, and we can't wait to meet him, her or them - whatever God decides. Until then, rest in peace my sweet angel, and celebrate this day, the day you were going to be born! I will love you forever, and I'll see you again one day! ~Love, Mommy~