Staying Positive...

Tomorrow, I will, officially, be 34 weeks. Where has the time gone? I saw my OB yesterday for a checkup, and everything looks good for my due date of April 6th! It's so close yet so far away! I have been having some spikes in my blood pressure, which has been, otherwise, fabulous throughout this pregnancy. It may just be the excitement of the close approaching birth of our son getting me worked up. Perhaps, it's me stressing about having everything ready for him before he arrives. I can tell you what hasn't helped it - Tilson deciding to change insurance providers on their employees this year! Fortunately, the current contract isn't up until April 31st, so I am confident that we will make that date. Unfortunately, the thousands of dollars we shell out for this pregnancy are, basically, down the drain after that date. Now, I am forced to make the decision to have a necessary surgery much closer to Bryson's delivery than I had hoped.

Let me back track. I had a hernia surgery before we got pregnant with Kaylee. The hernia was caused by a tumor that I have growing inside of me. The surgeon removed the tumor (non-cancerous) and repaired the hernia, but he did say that the tumor would most probably grow back and would need to be removed again. In the past five years, that tumor did grow back...double the size it was before. We had discussed that it needed to be removed before we tried for another pregnancy, but having a baby was more important to me at the time. After I got pregnant with Bryson, that is when the tumor really started causing me pain. Of course, there is nothing that can be done until after he is delivered. Since he has changed positions, I haven't really noticed the pain, as much or at all, for that matter. My concern is, though, that we would like to have another child closely after Bryson, and I'm not sure if I can handle the pain during another pregnancy.

That puts us in our current position. I don't even know if my doctor, or the surgeon, would be willing to allow the surgery within the three week window I have to get it done under our current deductible. I know that we don't have the money lying around to meet a second deductible this year, and I could never burden my family with that type of financial stress. This is the last thing I need to be thinking about, right now, but I can't seem to get it off of my mind.

I know that I should be counting my blessings that we DO have medical insurance and that we DO have the means to pay for this child. I know everything, however unfortunate the timing, happens for a reason. Maybe, I am not meant to have the tumor removed. Maybe something bad is going to happen if I do. I've lived with it for five years...and many more prior to it's original removal. I don't think I'm in the state of mind I need to be, at the moment, to make this decision. I know that I definitely won't be AFTER Bryson is born. A colicky Kaylee nearly sent me to the nut house in the weeks after her birth!

Well, thank you for taking the time to listen to me whine and complain! I figure that this is as good of a place to do it as any! In the meantime, I am going to do my best to get this off my mind by counting my blessings that I have here with me and those coming soon! Positive thoughts are going to keep me sane in the next few weeks, and lots of love and prayers from friends and family will be needed, too!

Bryson will be here before we know it, and I am getting more and more excited about that every single day! I'll be sure to update when we know anything else!

Love and blessings,
Jessie

Baby Update...As Promised...

As promised, I am posting an updated picture of our little man! He has grown so much since the last time we got to take a peak inside and is a whopping 3 lbs. 14 oz. as of...well, a week ago! I can only assume he's grown a little since then. Size wise, he is on target for his April 6th due date, although his head is measuring about a week and a half farther along. The ultrasound tech tried to rush that measurement along so that I wouldn't see it, but I knew what I was looking for! I need to mentally prepare myself for what's coming out of me - literally. Little heads, big heads....I'm sure they all hurt, but knowing what to expect seems to calm my fears a bit! So here is our boy, in all of his glory!

I spent a long time comparing this picture to one we have of Kaylee to see any similarities, but other than their kissy lips and little noses, they don't seem to have the same "features" at all. I'm pretty sure Bryson is taking after his daddy in the chin department. Kaylee and I have my grandmother's pronounced chin. It looks as if he's going to have that long Leonard forehead, as well, but that is hard to tell. He does have a very deep skull, so a big headed boy is definitely in my future! Obviously, these predictions are all subjective, and I could be completely wrong, but it's fun to guess! His only guarantees are dimples and little ears! We hit the genetic jackpot on those two features. Go ahead, check us out next time you see us....CRAZY little ears! It definitely makes buying sunglasses and ear pods challenging, but it's better than being able to fly with those things! Dimples...well, historically, I believe they were frowned upon, but these days, everyone seems to love our family dimples! I like 'em! I am also predicting another blue eyed baby. Gene's eyes are brown - as are both of his parents' eyes. My eyes are blue. My dad's are blue, and my mom's are brown. My mom is wishing and hoping for a brown eyed grandchild, but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were her. Our blue eyed gene is some magical phenomenon, and it comes in all shades! Kaylee's are the least blue, but I attribute that to her eye surgeries that have affected her pigmentation. Still, they are blue, and I'm 90% confident Bryson's will be blue, too! I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he'll have some big ol' feet, as well! Kaylee came out with feet the size of a two month old, but with her mommy and daddy both having skis attached to our legs, it was inevitable! No matter what Bryson looks like or what features he has been blessed with, we will love our bundle of joy! We feel so blessed to have him coming into our lives, and already, I can't imagine life without him!

I do have to say, being within eight weeks of my due date is making me a bit nervous! I know, I know...I've been through it before, but have I really? With Kaylee, I didn't have to go into labor - I was induced. That, in itself, is the devil's way for women to give birth, but desperate times call for desperate measures. My blood pressure was not going to allow Miss Kaylee to stay in there a day longer! This pregnancy, I have been very healthy. Only in the past week has my blood pressure gone up the slightest bit, and it's still in the safe zone! With any luck, things will remain good, and I will get to "go into labor" naturally. This is frightening, though, since I haven't had the experience before. Where will my water break? What time of day will it happen? Will Gene be hours away at work? Will I have to drive myself to the hospital? Yes, I am probably overthinking it all, but I have a lot of unanswered questions. When my mom was pregnant with me, my dad made her go stay in town with my Oma when she got close to my due date. Of course, she was 21 with a 3 year old and a car that you couldn't always count on to make it into town. I don't have the option of staying close to town, but my 17 miles from the hospital are much faster and easier than my mom's 17 miles nearly 31 years ago. I guess that all I can do is have my bag packed and hope for the best! Most importantly, we will be meeting our son very soon, and I am looking forward to seeing our miracle as he enters into this world! Let's just make sure that's in a hospital with medical professionals!

By the way, I'd post a profile of my growing belly, but, alas, it is not growing! I have to say, I'm kind of enjoying that fact! I think my measurement at my belly-button has increased a half-inch at most in the past month, so he's doing his growing INSIDE for sure! If anything changes, I'll be sure to update! Our next, and final ultrasound will be at 36 weeks, so it won't be long now!

Until then...

Love and blessings,

Jessie