Staying Positive...

Tomorrow, I will, officially, be 34 weeks. Where has the time gone? I saw my OB yesterday for a checkup, and everything looks good for my due date of April 6th! It's so close yet so far away! I have been having some spikes in my blood pressure, which has been, otherwise, fabulous throughout this pregnancy. It may just be the excitement of the close approaching birth of our son getting me worked up. Perhaps, it's me stressing about having everything ready for him before he arrives. I can tell you what hasn't helped it - Tilson deciding to change insurance providers on their employees this year! Fortunately, the current contract isn't up until April 31st, so I am confident that we will make that date. Unfortunately, the thousands of dollars we shell out for this pregnancy are, basically, down the drain after that date. Now, I am forced to make the decision to have a necessary surgery much closer to Bryson's delivery than I had hoped.

Let me back track. I had a hernia surgery before we got pregnant with Kaylee. The hernia was caused by a tumor that I have growing inside of me. The surgeon removed the tumor (non-cancerous) and repaired the hernia, but he did say that the tumor would most probably grow back and would need to be removed again. In the past five years, that tumor did grow back...double the size it was before. We had discussed that it needed to be removed before we tried for another pregnancy, but having a baby was more important to me at the time. After I got pregnant with Bryson, that is when the tumor really started causing me pain. Of course, there is nothing that can be done until after he is delivered. Since he has changed positions, I haven't really noticed the pain, as much or at all, for that matter. My concern is, though, that we would like to have another child closely after Bryson, and I'm not sure if I can handle the pain during another pregnancy.

That puts us in our current position. I don't even know if my doctor, or the surgeon, would be willing to allow the surgery within the three week window I have to get it done under our current deductible. I know that we don't have the money lying around to meet a second deductible this year, and I could never burden my family with that type of financial stress. This is the last thing I need to be thinking about, right now, but I can't seem to get it off of my mind.

I know that I should be counting my blessings that we DO have medical insurance and that we DO have the means to pay for this child. I know everything, however unfortunate the timing, happens for a reason. Maybe, I am not meant to have the tumor removed. Maybe something bad is going to happen if I do. I've lived with it for five years...and many more prior to it's original removal. I don't think I'm in the state of mind I need to be, at the moment, to make this decision. I know that I definitely won't be AFTER Bryson is born. A colicky Kaylee nearly sent me to the nut house in the weeks after her birth!

Well, thank you for taking the time to listen to me whine and complain! I figure that this is as good of a place to do it as any! In the meantime, I am going to do my best to get this off my mind by counting my blessings that I have here with me and those coming soon! Positive thoughts are going to keep me sane in the next few weeks, and lots of love and prayers from friends and family will be needed, too!

Bryson will be here before we know it, and I am getting more and more excited about that every single day! I'll be sure to update when we know anything else!

Love and blessings,
Jessie