Mister Bryson....the boy that has stolen my heart!
I love this kid soooo much! Bryson has to be one of the sweetest children God has ever made, and I'm not just saying that because he's mine. He is exactly what I need at any given time. No matter how hectic my day is, I can just look at his chubby little face and, for the moment, all my troubles disappear.
Speaking of that chubby face, our little guy is finally growing in a direction other than around the midsection. For awhile, we thought he would be short forever, but he is finally starting to stretch out. I joke with Gene, all the time, that Bryson is getting skinny! I look back at pictures of him in his first couple months, when he WAS skinny, and it is hard to believe it is the same baby!
He is growing so fast, right now, and he changes constantly. He is well on his way to 20 pounds now, if not more, and is measuring in at 27 inches. He is not so great at sitting up, yet, but we think he's just to lazy to try. This boy can crawl backwards like you wouldn't believe! He wants to go forward so badly, but he can only get a lunge in every now and then. He'll sit there and rock back and forth on his hands and knees for the longest time before he gives up. He's a hair puller and a pincher...and will probably be a biter when those teeth pop through! It won't be long now!
One of the most hilarious things he does right now is try to tickle your neck. We are always nibbling in his neck to make him giggle and laugh, and recently, he's begun to do it back to us! It absolutely cracks him up!
Bryson is so much fun, and he's easy-going. He's quite the little man, and we are beyond blessed that he is a part of our lives! I know the next milestones are just moments away, and I hope we can relax and have enough time to enjoy him and remember what he was like at this very moment! Until then....
Love and blessings,
Jessie
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Bad Words...
So, it has finally happened... Our child has learned those dreaded bad words, "I CAN'T!" I can recall my parents, teachers and mentors, throughout my lifetime, warning against using these discouraging words, and without their encouragement, I may not have been able to accomplish what I have. In the past few weeks, Kaylee has picked up a number of undesirable behaviors from school, but nothing puts a dagger through my heart quite as swiftly as those words, "I can't..."
I've heard her use them a couple times the past few days, in passing, and decided not to make a big deal about it. I simply told her, "Don't say, 'I can't...'," and I left it at that. We have been running like crazy between meetings, school, soccer, dance and daily responsibilities, so I know that I haven't been giving the attention where it would be best utilized. Behavior problems have me sidetracked, and no matter what I do, I don't feel like I have the answer to our current situation. In fact, I feel like a "bad mom." I can't even draw from personal experience to fix things because, while Kaylee is much like I was as a child, she responds to discipline in a totally different manner. I've tried rewarding the good behavior, but it seems to backfire every single time. We end up right back at square one. I understand this is all a transition time, and Kaylee has to find her place. In the meantime, I'm going through Advil at an alarming rate!
Kaylee had checked a book out at the library and brought it home on Monday. Sadly, we have yet to have a free moment to sit down and work on reading it. I decided, this morning, we needed to give it a try. We had a few minutes to spare before it was time to leave for school, so Kaylee and I sad down and opened up the book! She was off to a great start with, "Once upon a time," and then she froze up. I explained to just try and sound the next word out, but it was a task just to have her look at the page. She got all jittery and uncomfortable, and screamed, "I can't do it! I can't read!" It broke my heart to see her give up so easily. It's not like her. I told her to calm down and try to sound it out - letter by letter. In seconds she had read through an entire sentence, and she was very proud of herself. I praised her and then asked her to try the next sentence. We went through the entire, "I can't..." scenario once more, and again several more times before we finished the first page. By this time, it was time to leave for school. On the way to school, we talked about how dangerous the words, "I can't..." can be. I did my best to try to explain to her how it is better to try and fail than to not try at all. Of course, this is difficult for a five year old to understand, but I tried to use examples about dance, soccer, Bryson learning to talk, etc. I told her how we all must TRY in order to LEARN and SUCCEED. I told her that we don't always succeed - sometimes we fail, but if you know you have given your all, it makes all the difference! I hope some of it soaked in... I guess we will see!
I'm hoping and praying that things begin to flow more easily and that we are able to make the adjustments we need to, as a family, for things to be "normal" once more. I pray that Kaylee can have the confidence in herself that will allow her to learn and grow and have fun - all at the same time! I know we have many more challenges ahead, and we can only take it one day at a time and do our best to figure it out. Stay tuned for the next chapter!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
I've heard her use them a couple times the past few days, in passing, and decided not to make a big deal about it. I simply told her, "Don't say, 'I can't...'," and I left it at that. We have been running like crazy between meetings, school, soccer, dance and daily responsibilities, so I know that I haven't been giving the attention where it would be best utilized. Behavior problems have me sidetracked, and no matter what I do, I don't feel like I have the answer to our current situation. In fact, I feel like a "bad mom." I can't even draw from personal experience to fix things because, while Kaylee is much like I was as a child, she responds to discipline in a totally different manner. I've tried rewarding the good behavior, but it seems to backfire every single time. We end up right back at square one. I understand this is all a transition time, and Kaylee has to find her place. In the meantime, I'm going through Advil at an alarming rate!
Kaylee had checked a book out at the library and brought it home on Monday. Sadly, we have yet to have a free moment to sit down and work on reading it. I decided, this morning, we needed to give it a try. We had a few minutes to spare before it was time to leave for school, so Kaylee and I sad down and opened up the book! She was off to a great start with, "Once upon a time," and then she froze up. I explained to just try and sound the next word out, but it was a task just to have her look at the page. She got all jittery and uncomfortable, and screamed, "I can't do it! I can't read!" It broke my heart to see her give up so easily. It's not like her. I told her to calm down and try to sound it out - letter by letter. In seconds she had read through an entire sentence, and she was very proud of herself. I praised her and then asked her to try the next sentence. We went through the entire, "I can't..." scenario once more, and again several more times before we finished the first page. By this time, it was time to leave for school. On the way to school, we talked about how dangerous the words, "I can't..." can be. I did my best to try to explain to her how it is better to try and fail than to not try at all. Of course, this is difficult for a five year old to understand, but I tried to use examples about dance, soccer, Bryson learning to talk, etc. I told her how we all must TRY in order to LEARN and SUCCEED. I told her that we don't always succeed - sometimes we fail, but if you know you have given your all, it makes all the difference! I hope some of it soaked in... I guess we will see!
I'm hoping and praying that things begin to flow more easily and that we are able to make the adjustments we need to, as a family, for things to be "normal" once more. I pray that Kaylee can have the confidence in herself that will allow her to learn and grow and have fun - all at the same time! I know we have many more challenges ahead, and we can only take it one day at a time and do our best to figure it out. Stay tuned for the next chapter!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Long Overdue Update...
I want to begin by sending out a big "thank you" to every single person who has reached out in support for our family during our time of struggle. We are so blessed with amazing people in our lives, and we cannot begin to thank you all enough for your love, advice and support! So many friends have shared, with me, about their times of hardship and how they worked through it. Sometimes, even the most obvious pieces of advice are the ones you need to hear. I am pleased to say that we have been able to work things out, and in the process, I have made some steps into a brand-new, life-changing career!
By now, most of you know that I have decided to start my own photography business! It's something that I have thought about for quite some time. I have always had a difficult time in putting myself out there for fear of failure. I'm told by all kinds of people that I have many different talents, but I tend to be my worst critic. This time, I decided to take the leap, and so far, things are going pretty good!
I've had two photoshoots, thus far, and I've enjoyed them both more than I imagined I could have. There's just something about looking through that lense that gives me a rush. It goes beyond posing and lighting... It's like getting to know someone! What a gift this business is, that it lets me capture special moments in time for these families! I am so excited about what is to come, and I'm looking forward to all of the photoshoots to come!
What have we learned? Well, personally, I have learned that you cannot predict the future, so when your income is based soley on commission, it pays to be a bit more frugal - even during good times. We have learned to budget. I know, it seems like an easy thing, but when you sit down and figure out what you spend monthly on groceries and gas, alone, you will be shocked! It makes you think twice when you decide how many trips to town you are taking a week. You learn to base your weekly menu off of what is on sale rather than what might please your tastebuds more. I've started couponing! It's much more difficult than it sounds - I promise. Gene has learned to take his lunch to save a few hundred dollars a month. It's all a work in progress, but at least it's progress!
We are not out of the woods, yet, but if we are careful, we can manage. I know we could in much worse shape. There are some people who use credit cards to live off of, and I can say that we do not do that - anymore! (Gene and I both made this mistake in college, and we paid for it, literally, in the end!) We use our credit card for emergencies and occasionally for Gene's work that he gets reimbursed for. It's not even the mortgage, car payment, student loan payments, or other regular bills that get us in trouble. It's the extras....always the extras! We are learning to live with less "extras."
Good things have come out of this bad situation - as they always seem to do. God knows what he's doing, even when we don't. I prayed and prayed and PRAYED for answers during this time. In return, HE led me to a new career - something I can call my own. HE blessed Gene with work that couldn't have come at a better time. HE has helped our relationship by having us work harder at communicating about our finances - something that has been known to cause major marital problems. HE knew what he was doing when he lead us down this road, and I was foolish to not trust that he would show us the way to get through it!
Thank you all, again, for taking the time to show us how much you care! You are all blessings in our lives!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
By now, most of you know that I have decided to start my own photography business! It's something that I have thought about for quite some time. I have always had a difficult time in putting myself out there for fear of failure. I'm told by all kinds of people that I have many different talents, but I tend to be my worst critic. This time, I decided to take the leap, and so far, things are going pretty good!
I've had two photoshoots, thus far, and I've enjoyed them both more than I imagined I could have. There's just something about looking through that lense that gives me a rush. It goes beyond posing and lighting... It's like getting to know someone! What a gift this business is, that it lets me capture special moments in time for these families! I am so excited about what is to come, and I'm looking forward to all of the photoshoots to come!
What have we learned? Well, personally, I have learned that you cannot predict the future, so when your income is based soley on commission, it pays to be a bit more frugal - even during good times. We have learned to budget. I know, it seems like an easy thing, but when you sit down and figure out what you spend monthly on groceries and gas, alone, you will be shocked! It makes you think twice when you decide how many trips to town you are taking a week. You learn to base your weekly menu off of what is on sale rather than what might please your tastebuds more. I've started couponing! It's much more difficult than it sounds - I promise. Gene has learned to take his lunch to save a few hundred dollars a month. It's all a work in progress, but at least it's progress!
We are not out of the woods, yet, but if we are careful, we can manage. I know we could in much worse shape. There are some people who use credit cards to live off of, and I can say that we do not do that - anymore! (Gene and I both made this mistake in college, and we paid for it, literally, in the end!) We use our credit card for emergencies and occasionally for Gene's work that he gets reimbursed for. It's not even the mortgage, car payment, student loan payments, or other regular bills that get us in trouble. It's the extras....always the extras! We are learning to live with less "extras."
Good things have come out of this bad situation - as they always seem to do. God knows what he's doing, even when we don't. I prayed and prayed and PRAYED for answers during this time. In return, HE led me to a new career - something I can call my own. HE blessed Gene with work that couldn't have come at a better time. HE has helped our relationship by having us work harder at communicating about our finances - something that has been known to cause major marital problems. HE knew what he was doing when he lead us down this road, and I was foolish to not trust that he would show us the way to get through it!
Thank you all, again, for taking the time to show us how much you care! You are all blessings in our lives!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Has my fairytale ended?
If you had asked me, when I was younger, if I ever thought I'd be a stay-at-home mom, I probably would have told you that you were crazy for even asking such a question. When I became a mother, my ideals of what I wanted for myself and my family totally changed. I had originally planned on going back to work after having Kaylee - even up until she was born. Of course, when I held my precious baby girl, I knew that it wouldn't ever be possible to leave her. Fortunately, Gene's work has allowed for this, and I am beyond grateful for the years I have had to be with my baby girl through every single moment of her life! Our plans, since then, have remained the same. I would stay at home with all of our children until they all reach school age. Our plans, though, didn't include a downward spiral of our economy, and the past couple years have been pretty tough on our family. I have put a lot of thought into how I could help our situation, and the most logical answer I have is for me to go back to work. There is one big reason I am opposed to this, though, and his name is Bryson.
Every time I even think about him or stare into those soulful brown eyes of his, it breaks my heart to think of someone else raising my son. There is not a single person that can love and nurture Bryson as well as I can. Nobody else knows his cry and what it means. Nobody else deserves to see his first step and hear his first word said for the first time more than me. How can I leave my baby to be someone else's after-thought? Why would God allow me this precious gift and not allow me to be there for him? Yes, I am being selfish. I am sad and brokenhearted at the thought. I am overwhelmed with guilt for not being able to be a part of our son's life the way I have been with our daughter's. I, honestly, don't know if I can do it. I don't think I am strong enough to.
I realize that women go to work and leave their children in the care of others every single day. I have many friends who are working mothers, and I admire them for being able to juggle all of the day-to-day activities of being wives, mothers and working women. For some of them, they have careers that they are passionate about. For others, it's a matter of livelihood.
Fredericksburg isn't exactly the mecca for good paying jobs, and even with a Bachelor's and Master's degree under my belt, I don't foresee myself finding employment that is going to be majorly beneficial to my family. Even when I was working, before Kaylee was born, I never even made over $20,000 in a year while working a fulltime job. Take away childcare from that, and what is left? I will have to put Bryson in daycare, plus have to have someone to care for Kaylee afterschool and take her to all of the activities she is involved in. With Kaylee being in school in Harper, I will have to find someone willing to take her to Fredericksburg at least two days a week for dance, alone. How much will all of this cost us, and how much will I end up actually bringing to our family in the end?
I have given thought to several options that would work out better for us, but everything will require some sacrifice. I have thought about substitute teaching, but what will I do with Bryson on those days? My mom could take him on occasion, but she has things to do on her days off, too. If I could find someone who could take him on short notice and randomly, I would be more than willing to do this! I would love to get serious about my photography, but that would require having people that would actually want me to photograph their children and families. That takes time, but it's something I would really love and enjoy doing. I could watch a couple kids, which is totally do-able, but parents would have to be open to me taking them along with me when I run Kaylee to her afterschool activities. I'm sure Bryson would love having someone to play with, here at the house, though! I've even given thought to working evenings or nights. Who needs sleep, anyways? I'd give it up for my family...they are worth the sacrifice.
Where does Gene stand on all of this? Well, he is opposed. He doesn't think me working nights would be a suitable option since there are lots of mornings where he has to leave at 2 or 3 in the morning for work, and the kids wouldn't have anyone to be home with them during that time. At the same time, he doesn't want someone else taking care of Bryson, other than me. He said that something bad would happen to him, and we'd never forgive ourselves. We are at a stalemate.
I am open to any suggestions that anyone has, at this point. Truthfully, if I could even find something temporary to help out for the next few months, we'd probably be okay.
Would anybody interested in booking some photo sessions with an amateur photographer? I'd be willing to do one-hour sessions for a $50 session fee, and I'd give you a CD with all the edited images and rights to print as you please. If I could build up some clientele, it would be a great jumpstart to doing something I really enjoy. Here is some of my work, if you haven't already seen it:
If you are interested, or have any helpful advice about our situation, I'd love to hear from you! Until then, I am praying for strength, understanding and answers.
Love and blessings,
Jessie
Every time I even think about him or stare into those soulful brown eyes of his, it breaks my heart to think of someone else raising my son. There is not a single person that can love and nurture Bryson as well as I can. Nobody else knows his cry and what it means. Nobody else deserves to see his first step and hear his first word said for the first time more than me. How can I leave my baby to be someone else's after-thought? Why would God allow me this precious gift and not allow me to be there for him? Yes, I am being selfish. I am sad and brokenhearted at the thought. I am overwhelmed with guilt for not being able to be a part of our son's life the way I have been with our daughter's. I, honestly, don't know if I can do it. I don't think I am strong enough to.
I realize that women go to work and leave their children in the care of others every single day. I have many friends who are working mothers, and I admire them for being able to juggle all of the day-to-day activities of being wives, mothers and working women. For some of them, they have careers that they are passionate about. For others, it's a matter of livelihood.
Fredericksburg isn't exactly the mecca for good paying jobs, and even with a Bachelor's and Master's degree under my belt, I don't foresee myself finding employment that is going to be majorly beneficial to my family. Even when I was working, before Kaylee was born, I never even made over $20,000 in a year while working a fulltime job. Take away childcare from that, and what is left? I will have to put Bryson in daycare, plus have to have someone to care for Kaylee afterschool and take her to all of the activities she is involved in. With Kaylee being in school in Harper, I will have to find someone willing to take her to Fredericksburg at least two days a week for dance, alone. How much will all of this cost us, and how much will I end up actually bringing to our family in the end?
I have given thought to several options that would work out better for us, but everything will require some sacrifice. I have thought about substitute teaching, but what will I do with Bryson on those days? My mom could take him on occasion, but she has things to do on her days off, too. If I could find someone who could take him on short notice and randomly, I would be more than willing to do this! I would love to get serious about my photography, but that would require having people that would actually want me to photograph their children and families. That takes time, but it's something I would really love and enjoy doing. I could watch a couple kids, which is totally do-able, but parents would have to be open to me taking them along with me when I run Kaylee to her afterschool activities. I'm sure Bryson would love having someone to play with, here at the house, though! I've even given thought to working evenings or nights. Who needs sleep, anyways? I'd give it up for my family...they are worth the sacrifice.
Where does Gene stand on all of this? Well, he is opposed. He doesn't think me working nights would be a suitable option since there are lots of mornings where he has to leave at 2 or 3 in the morning for work, and the kids wouldn't have anyone to be home with them during that time. At the same time, he doesn't want someone else taking care of Bryson, other than me. He said that something bad would happen to him, and we'd never forgive ourselves. We are at a stalemate.
I am open to any suggestions that anyone has, at this point. Truthfully, if I could even find something temporary to help out for the next few months, we'd probably be okay.
Would anybody interested in booking some photo sessions with an amateur photographer? I'd be willing to do one-hour sessions for a $50 session fee, and I'd give you a CD with all the edited images and rights to print as you please. If I could build up some clientele, it would be a great jumpstart to doing something I really enjoy. Here is some of my work, if you haven't already seen it:
Love and blessings,
Jessie
Monday, July 16, 2012
I just finished up on the custom painted canvas of Kaylee's name for her bedroom door, and it turned out wonderful! I was inspired while searching Pinterest, of course... It was there that I came across a custom painted name canvas for sale on Etsy for a whopping $85!!! That's when I thought, "Wait a minute!!! I had six years of art classes during my school days, so why can't I do that??!!!" What do you know, it was just like riding a bike! It turned out so cute that I decided that it might be something I can use to bring in a few extra dollars to help pay those dance school bills! ;)
So, if you or someone you know is in the market for a custom painted name canvas, please let me know! This one is 11x14, and I would be willing to do it for $30. Whether it be a sports theme for a boy or a ballet theme for a girl, different fonts and numerous colors... I should be able to paint just about anything! It would make a great gift, too! Let me know if you are interested!
Love and Blessings,
Jessie
Friday, July 13, 2012
A Blog About Me...If You Please!
Before I had the joy of becoming the mother of TWO, I had spend two years losing weight and trying to be a healthier individual. I had portion control down, and I walked several days out of the week. Who would have thought it would be so difficult to get back to that after having a baby?!!
During my pregnancy, I gained, roughly, 30 pounds. After giving birth to our son, I lost 20 of that...almost immediately! Then, I began the rollercoaster of gaining and losing - up 10, down 5, up 2, down 7, etc. Well, I finally managed to get back down to that 20 pound loss mark, but I still have 10 to go in order to get back to pre-pregnancy weight.
For most people, that would be a final goal, but I still have a good 50-60 pounds more to go, after that, just to get to the place where the "charts" say I am at a healthy weight. Honestly, I haven't weighed that since I was in the sixth or seventh grade, so it will be something else if I ever manage to get there!
The thing about livng a healthier lifestyle in order to lose weight is that, if you are living with others that aren't living healthier, it makes it a much more difficult task. For this reason, I have asked my dear sweet husband to work with me, and we can become healthier together! Not only does this help give me will power to succeed, it also gives me a bit of "competition" - so to speak. He's already starting out 10 pounds less than me, so he certainly has a head start! I'm sure it will backfire on me, at some point, since he can lose weight rather rapidly. It'll all be worth it, in the end, when we can all be healthy together!
I also have noticed that, as Kaylee gets older, our bad eating habits are beginning to rub off on her. I can't rightly tell her to eat veggies instead of chips as I stand there with a bag of Doritos in hand! She also needs to know that you can eat broccoli without it being smothered in cheese, and burgers don't have to have a half-pound of bacon on them. Don't get me wrong...we are not giving up any of these things, but we are cutting down on the amount that we eat. That is how I successfully lost 85 pounds, and it is how I intend to lose the next round of fat!
I have had a number of people come to me to find out what secret remedy I used to lose so much weight. They all wanted to know what shake, what pill, what fad I had picked up on. The thing about all of those fads is that they are not maintainable! Sure, I can replace high calorie meals with low calorie shakes, and I will lose weight. At some point, though, you get hungry for real food, and most people end up gaining back twice that of what they lost in the first place. Instead, figure out what your average daily caloric intake is, and begin by cutting that by a quarter or third - depending on your tolerance. You gradually cut it down...that's key!
Don't forget that you NEED to eat three separate meals a day. For those who think skipping breakfast will help them lose since they aren't eating those calories, you are sadly mistaken. As my mother's physician recently told her, even if you are not eating breakfast, your body still needs calories to function. Instead of using the fat stores you have, though, your brain tells your body to metabolize your brain sugars instead. Eventually, this can lead to problems concentrating, memory loss, and other even more serious conditions. Instead of avoiding breakfast, choose to eat a small, high protein, low calorie breakfast instead. I prefer one-egg cheese omelettes, toast or oatmeal and orange juice or coffee to drink! None of these things take a long time to get together. If you are an eggs and bacon person, eat one egg instead of two and one slice of bacon instead of three! Eat one pancake instead of a full stack. Even if you aren't hungry, eat something! It makes all the difference - I promise!
Snacking is the devil! If you must do it, like me, keep on hand things like fresh fruit/veggies, yogurt, cheese sticks, saltine crackers, granola bars, etc. Usually, I find I'm either craving sweet or salty, and if I feed that craving, I am set until the next meal! Don't fall into the trap of "grazing" because it ALWAYS ends badly. "Grazing" is trying a bit of each thing until you find what you were actually hungry for. Before you know it, your 100 calorie snack has become a 400 calorie snack buffet!
New mom munchies - I had issues with this. I felt like I had no time to eat a good meal, so I was grabbing snacks at every free moment I had. Not only did this not help with my weight loss, but it made me feel just plain awful! Eating healthier makes you feel happier and more energetic! Nobody can say that starving yourself does the same thing!
Eating out... "Salad for me, please." That, is a terrible idea! For one, the salads most of us get are no healthier than any other entree on the menu. Cheese, bacon, dressing.... If you just like salad, go for it, but don't deny yourself the food you like to eat. My trick is...wait for it....LEAVE SOME FOOD ON YOUR PLATE!!! I know, this is easier said than done. I enjoy my steak and baked potato, so I order it! I eat half, and I leave the rest. This one is difficult for my husband, of course, because he's all about eating what you paid for. Other options for you frugal types is sharing with your spouse/children or taking home leftovers. You can also order children's portions or take advantage of half-orders. Get a Junior burger as opposed to a double bacon cheeseburger. Did you know that Sonic offers a regular sized chili-cheese hotdog, and you DON'T have to get the footlong coney?!! I think you get the point!
Get some activity in, folks! You wouldn't believe the workout you get from just pulling weeds in your flowerbeds! Play with your kids...they are the ultimate personal trainers! Go for a walk. Quit shopping online, and get your behind to the store! You wouldn't believe how many calories you can burn with the slightest bit of activity.
Get the family involved! Like I mentioned before, losing weight on your own is difficult, but if you get your family to join you, there is accountability and support. Cook meals together, play sports together, spend time together. It's all about getting healthy - physically, mentally and emotionally! Get yourself in-shape, and get your family in-shape!
So, that's it... It's nothing fancy. It's not magic in a bottle. You can give me three installments of $19.99 if you'd like, but it's not necessary! In one week of getting back to this, I am already down two pounds. If that isn't enough for you, you don't understand how losing weight works. You didn't gain it in a month, and you won't lose it that way, either! A couple pounds a week is pretty average...and over time, it does make a difference!
So, join me in my journey! Give it a try, and share your success! Good luck in your quest for a healthier life, and don't forget - it's NOT a diet! It's a lifestyle!
Love and Blessings,
Jessie
During my pregnancy, I gained, roughly, 30 pounds. After giving birth to our son, I lost 20 of that...almost immediately! Then, I began the rollercoaster of gaining and losing - up 10, down 5, up 2, down 7, etc. Well, I finally managed to get back down to that 20 pound loss mark, but I still have 10 to go in order to get back to pre-pregnancy weight.
For most people, that would be a final goal, but I still have a good 50-60 pounds more to go, after that, just to get to the place where the "charts" say I am at a healthy weight. Honestly, I haven't weighed that since I was in the sixth or seventh grade, so it will be something else if I ever manage to get there!
The thing about livng a healthier lifestyle in order to lose weight is that, if you are living with others that aren't living healthier, it makes it a much more difficult task. For this reason, I have asked my dear sweet husband to work with me, and we can become healthier together! Not only does this help give me will power to succeed, it also gives me a bit of "competition" - so to speak. He's already starting out 10 pounds less than me, so he certainly has a head start! I'm sure it will backfire on me, at some point, since he can lose weight rather rapidly. It'll all be worth it, in the end, when we can all be healthy together!
I also have noticed that, as Kaylee gets older, our bad eating habits are beginning to rub off on her. I can't rightly tell her to eat veggies instead of chips as I stand there with a bag of Doritos in hand! She also needs to know that you can eat broccoli without it being smothered in cheese, and burgers don't have to have a half-pound of bacon on them. Don't get me wrong...we are not giving up any of these things, but we are cutting down on the amount that we eat. That is how I successfully lost 85 pounds, and it is how I intend to lose the next round of fat!
I have had a number of people come to me to find out what secret remedy I used to lose so much weight. They all wanted to know what shake, what pill, what fad I had picked up on. The thing about all of those fads is that they are not maintainable! Sure, I can replace high calorie meals with low calorie shakes, and I will lose weight. At some point, though, you get hungry for real food, and most people end up gaining back twice that of what they lost in the first place. Instead, figure out what your average daily caloric intake is, and begin by cutting that by a quarter or third - depending on your tolerance. You gradually cut it down...that's key!
Don't forget that you NEED to eat three separate meals a day. For those who think skipping breakfast will help them lose since they aren't eating those calories, you are sadly mistaken. As my mother's physician recently told her, even if you are not eating breakfast, your body still needs calories to function. Instead of using the fat stores you have, though, your brain tells your body to metabolize your brain sugars instead. Eventually, this can lead to problems concentrating, memory loss, and other even more serious conditions. Instead of avoiding breakfast, choose to eat a small, high protein, low calorie breakfast instead. I prefer one-egg cheese omelettes, toast or oatmeal and orange juice or coffee to drink! None of these things take a long time to get together. If you are an eggs and bacon person, eat one egg instead of two and one slice of bacon instead of three! Eat one pancake instead of a full stack. Even if you aren't hungry, eat something! It makes all the difference - I promise!
Snacking is the devil! If you must do it, like me, keep on hand things like fresh fruit/veggies, yogurt, cheese sticks, saltine crackers, granola bars, etc. Usually, I find I'm either craving sweet or salty, and if I feed that craving, I am set until the next meal! Don't fall into the trap of "grazing" because it ALWAYS ends badly. "Grazing" is trying a bit of each thing until you find what you were actually hungry for. Before you know it, your 100 calorie snack has become a 400 calorie snack buffet!
New mom munchies - I had issues with this. I felt like I had no time to eat a good meal, so I was grabbing snacks at every free moment I had. Not only did this not help with my weight loss, but it made me feel just plain awful! Eating healthier makes you feel happier and more energetic! Nobody can say that starving yourself does the same thing!
Eating out... "Salad for me, please." That, is a terrible idea! For one, the salads most of us get are no healthier than any other entree on the menu. Cheese, bacon, dressing.... If you just like salad, go for it, but don't deny yourself the food you like to eat. My trick is...wait for it....LEAVE SOME FOOD ON YOUR PLATE!!! I know, this is easier said than done. I enjoy my steak and baked potato, so I order it! I eat half, and I leave the rest. This one is difficult for my husband, of course, because he's all about eating what you paid for. Other options for you frugal types is sharing with your spouse/children or taking home leftovers. You can also order children's portions or take advantage of half-orders. Get a Junior burger as opposed to a double bacon cheeseburger. Did you know that Sonic offers a regular sized chili-cheese hotdog, and you DON'T have to get the footlong coney?!! I think you get the point!
Get some activity in, folks! You wouldn't believe the workout you get from just pulling weeds in your flowerbeds! Play with your kids...they are the ultimate personal trainers! Go for a walk. Quit shopping online, and get your behind to the store! You wouldn't believe how many calories you can burn with the slightest bit of activity.
Get the family involved! Like I mentioned before, losing weight on your own is difficult, but if you get your family to join you, there is accountability and support. Cook meals together, play sports together, spend time together. It's all about getting healthy - physically, mentally and emotionally! Get yourself in-shape, and get your family in-shape!
So, that's it... It's nothing fancy. It's not magic in a bottle. You can give me three installments of $19.99 if you'd like, but it's not necessary! In one week of getting back to this, I am already down two pounds. If that isn't enough for you, you don't understand how losing weight works. You didn't gain it in a month, and you won't lose it that way, either! A couple pounds a week is pretty average...and over time, it does make a difference!
So, join me in my journey! Give it a try, and share your success! Good luck in your quest for a healthier life, and don't forget - it's NOT a diet! It's a lifestyle!
Love and Blessings,
Jessie
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Where did the time go?
I've been absolutely AWFUL about blogging, lately! It just seems that there is never enough time in the day, and I'm just too exhausted when the evening rolls around. That...or Pinterest is keeping me occupied!
To catch up on things, Bryson is now THREE MONTHS OLD, and my baby girl is almost FIVE AND A HALF YEARS OLD! I ask myself everyday, "Where did the time go?" It's already July, and in less than two months, Kaylee will be leaving me to become a Kindergartner. I finally broke down and ordered her backpack, and it came the other day. It looked so big...until I put it on her. It made her look like such a big girl! Well...I suppose she is, but I'd rather not admit it.
So many things worry me about Kaylee starting school. My number one worry is how many times she will be visiting Mr. Harper in the principal's office! I know, I know...she's a good kid, but she has a little trouble listening and would much rather do what she wants rather than what she is told to do. I'm hoping she will surprise us, and be the PERFECT student (just like Mommy was)! She's incredibly smart and creative, so I have no worries about her scholastic performance. It's the social aspect that I think we'll have issues with. She's a social butterfly, which can be good and bad. She has been known to, on occasion, forget the task at hand while conversating on irrelevant subjects. For example, during soccer she spent more time telling the other little girls that she liked their hair or shoes than paying attention to what was going on in the game! Another big issue we are going to have to deal with is BOYS! For some reason, little boys like our little girl...A LOT! We've made it clear that she cannot have a boyfriend...not anytime soon. She loves attention, though, and she's easily coerced into things she's not supposed to do. I'm working on teaching her that being an individual is very important - as is thinking for yourself. We've also been talking about the fact that you should treat EVERYONE with respect, and that includes people that may be disrespectful to you. We've all judged and been judged in our lifetime, so you know what I'm talking about. I'm trying to teach Kaylee to be a kind-hearted, respectful friend to all. I've told her that everyone is different, we all come from different backgrounds, and everyone deserves the same amount of consideration. Trying to teach your child not to laugh or poke fun at others is a difficult task...mostly, because they haven't experienced as much hatefullness in their lifetime. Kaylee's been even more sheltered, so I'll be waiting for that day when she comes home crying because of something someone did or said that hurt her feelings. Despite her confidence, she is sensitive like her mommy! I know school will be a great experience for Kaylee, but I can't help but want to guard her from all of the evils in the world!
As for Bryson, our boy is getting BIG! At three months old, he is already weighing in at 15 pounds...a month ahead of where his sister was in growth. He's still a shorty though! I'm pretty sure he is wanting to up his feeding volume at the moment, but it's difficult for me to move him up from six ounces every three hours! I just don't understand where he puts it all. He's becoming quite the little ham, and he smiles all the time. He began grabbing his toys a couple weeks ago, just after finding his hands the week before! He wakes up so happy in the mornings, and he giggles like crazy! He does have a temper, though, when it's time to eat or if he's overly tired. He is still sleeping through the night, in general, with the occasional early wake-up at 4 or 5 in the morning. I think he'd sleep longer with a diaper that would hold more and an extra ounce of formula before bed. He had his first swim this summer, and he LOVES the water! He's going to be a fish just like his big sister. We went camping this past weekend, and he enjoyed playing in the river, as well! He stayed with my parents in their fifth-wheel trailer, so he hasn't had that tent experience just yet. I have no doubt that he would have done fine in it though. He is also lifting his head up, completely, when laying on his tummy! He is very strong, and moves all over his crib already. I think he'll end up crawling before he rolls over at the rate he is going. I joke that he'll be like a turtle in that, when put on this back, he won't be able to go anywhere! Bryson is crazy about his big sister, and he laughs at everything she does. I think they are going to be the best of friends!
I don't know what I'll be doing someday when my kids grow up, but I know that, for now, they are keeping me busy 110% of the time! Between sports, dancing, school, doctor's visits and trying to find family time, our lives are full and fantastic. Even on the most hectic of days when I am pulling my hair out by the handfuls (literally), and my head aches from telling Kaylee for the 17th time to do something, I know I am so very blessed to have these kiddos in my care! I wouldn't trade them for the world! I know that time will keep flying by, so I am doing everything in my power to enjoy every moment with them. Before I know it, another day has gone by, and the most important thing is that I am there for every special moment! That way, I can be sure to answer that ultimate question of , "Where did the time go?"
Love and Blessings,
Jessie
To catch up on things, Bryson is now THREE MONTHS OLD, and my baby girl is almost FIVE AND A HALF YEARS OLD! I ask myself everyday, "Where did the time go?" It's already July, and in less than two months, Kaylee will be leaving me to become a Kindergartner. I finally broke down and ordered her backpack, and it came the other day. It looked so big...until I put it on her. It made her look like such a big girl! Well...I suppose she is, but I'd rather not admit it.
So many things worry me about Kaylee starting school. My number one worry is how many times she will be visiting Mr. Harper in the principal's office! I know, I know...she's a good kid, but she has a little trouble listening and would much rather do what she wants rather than what she is told to do. I'm hoping she will surprise us, and be the PERFECT student (just like Mommy was)! She's incredibly smart and creative, so I have no worries about her scholastic performance. It's the social aspect that I think we'll have issues with. She's a social butterfly, which can be good and bad. She has been known to, on occasion, forget the task at hand while conversating on irrelevant subjects. For example, during soccer she spent more time telling the other little girls that she liked their hair or shoes than paying attention to what was going on in the game! Another big issue we are going to have to deal with is BOYS! For some reason, little boys like our little girl...A LOT! We've made it clear that she cannot have a boyfriend...not anytime soon. She loves attention, though, and she's easily coerced into things she's not supposed to do. I'm working on teaching her that being an individual is very important - as is thinking for yourself. We've also been talking about the fact that you should treat EVERYONE with respect, and that includes people that may be disrespectful to you. We've all judged and been judged in our lifetime, so you know what I'm talking about. I'm trying to teach Kaylee to be a kind-hearted, respectful friend to all. I've told her that everyone is different, we all come from different backgrounds, and everyone deserves the same amount of consideration. Trying to teach your child not to laugh or poke fun at others is a difficult task...mostly, because they haven't experienced as much hatefullness in their lifetime. Kaylee's been even more sheltered, so I'll be waiting for that day when she comes home crying because of something someone did or said that hurt her feelings. Despite her confidence, she is sensitive like her mommy! I know school will be a great experience for Kaylee, but I can't help but want to guard her from all of the evils in the world!
As for Bryson, our boy is getting BIG! At three months old, he is already weighing in at 15 pounds...a month ahead of where his sister was in growth. He's still a shorty though! I'm pretty sure he is wanting to up his feeding volume at the moment, but it's difficult for me to move him up from six ounces every three hours! I just don't understand where he puts it all. He's becoming quite the little ham, and he smiles all the time. He began grabbing his toys a couple weeks ago, just after finding his hands the week before! He wakes up so happy in the mornings, and he giggles like crazy! He does have a temper, though, when it's time to eat or if he's overly tired. He is still sleeping through the night, in general, with the occasional early wake-up at 4 or 5 in the morning. I think he'd sleep longer with a diaper that would hold more and an extra ounce of formula before bed. He had his first swim this summer, and he LOVES the water! He's going to be a fish just like his big sister. We went camping this past weekend, and he enjoyed playing in the river, as well! He stayed with my parents in their fifth-wheel trailer, so he hasn't had that tent experience just yet. I have no doubt that he would have done fine in it though. He is also lifting his head up, completely, when laying on his tummy! He is very strong, and moves all over his crib already. I think he'll end up crawling before he rolls over at the rate he is going. I joke that he'll be like a turtle in that, when put on this back, he won't be able to go anywhere! Bryson is crazy about his big sister, and he laughs at everything she does. I think they are going to be the best of friends!
I don't know what I'll be doing someday when my kids grow up, but I know that, for now, they are keeping me busy 110% of the time! Between sports, dancing, school, doctor's visits and trying to find family time, our lives are full and fantastic. Even on the most hectic of days when I am pulling my hair out by the handfuls (literally), and my head aches from telling Kaylee for the 17th time to do something, I know I am so very blessed to have these kiddos in my care! I wouldn't trade them for the world! I know that time will keep flying by, so I am doing everything in my power to enjoy every moment with them. Before I know it, another day has gone by, and the most important thing is that I am there for every special moment! That way, I can be sure to answer that ultimate question of , "Where did the time go?"
Love and Blessings,
Jessie
Friday, May 25, 2012
He is with me...
Psalm 23:1-6 A Psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
So, here I sit, alone with my thoughts. This situation can lead to good or bad, but I'm going to trust that the feelings I have are for a reason. As of six this morning, it was just Bryson and myself here at home. Kaylee left for the beach, and Gene left for Big Spring. I am never a fan of being alone. I have feared it my entire life. I'm the face of bravery on any ordinary day, but when my family is on either side of the State of Texas, doors get locked! Noises become more noticable, dark becomes darker, and my imagination goes into overdrive. Voices on the phone bring temporary comfort, but eventually, you have to say goodbye, and there you sit - alone, again. This is how I have been feeling this evening, and since I have three more days before my loved ones return home, I decided that I needed to find a better way to deal with my loneliness! I began to think of what bible verse would best lead me along the right path, and I stumbled upon one of the most recognizable verses that fit the situation perfectly - Psalm 23:1-6. I immediately felt ridiculous for even thinking that I am alone. He is with me....always. The devil may lurk in the dark corners, but the Lord will make sure I am never in complete darkness, fore he is my light.
I will need God's light to get me through the next few days. There is more darkness looming in the coming days than that which comes from being lonely. May 27th...it's a day that I don't think will ever be the same for me. It is the day our sweet baby was due to come into this world, and if she'd been born on that day, she would be turning one this year. Perhaps, this is why God led me to stay home this weekend with my baby boy. Perhaps, Bryson is my light that leads me from the darkness of my loss. I pray that May 27th comes and goes, without tears this time. I can hold tight to my baby boy and have faith that I will meet my sweet angel someday in the future.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
So, here I sit, alone with my thoughts. This situation can lead to good or bad, but I'm going to trust that the feelings I have are for a reason. As of six this morning, it was just Bryson and myself here at home. Kaylee left for the beach, and Gene left for Big Spring. I am never a fan of being alone. I have feared it my entire life. I'm the face of bravery on any ordinary day, but when my family is on either side of the State of Texas, doors get locked! Noises become more noticable, dark becomes darker, and my imagination goes into overdrive. Voices on the phone bring temporary comfort, but eventually, you have to say goodbye, and there you sit - alone, again. This is how I have been feeling this evening, and since I have three more days before my loved ones return home, I decided that I needed to find a better way to deal with my loneliness! I began to think of what bible verse would best lead me along the right path, and I stumbled upon one of the most recognizable verses that fit the situation perfectly - Psalm 23:1-6. I immediately felt ridiculous for even thinking that I am alone. He is with me....always. The devil may lurk in the dark corners, but the Lord will make sure I am never in complete darkness, fore he is my light.
I will need God's light to get me through the next few days. There is more darkness looming in the coming days than that which comes from being lonely. May 27th...it's a day that I don't think will ever be the same for me. It is the day our sweet baby was due to come into this world, and if she'd been born on that day, she would be turning one this year. Perhaps, this is why God led me to stay home this weekend with my baby boy. Perhaps, Bryson is my light that leads me from the darkness of my loss. I pray that May 27th comes and goes, without tears this time. I can hold tight to my baby boy and have faith that I will meet my sweet angel someday in the future.
Dear Lord,
I pray to you in hopes that you can bring me through the darkness.
I pray that you watch over my loved ones, and bring them home safely.
I pray that you continue to give me the strength, knowledge and understanding it takes to be a good mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend.
Thank you for your blessings you have bestowed upon me and my loved ones.
Thank you for giving me only what I can handle - even when I don't think I can.
Thank you for the challenges you make me face because they make me a better person.
Thank you for being with me always!
Amen
All things are possible, and I am never alone. He is with me...
Love and blessings,
Jessie
Friday, May 18, 2012
This is Where the Cowboy Rides Away...
My son will never meet the man from whom he got his middle name. This was one of the first thoughts that crossed my mind today when Gene called me to tell me that his dad had died.
Gene Laroy Leonard passed away at some point this week....alone. When Gene could not reach him for their weekly phonecall this afternoon, he called his brother, Justin, to go check on him. Justin was at work, but he sent his fiance, Chelsea, to go see if he was okay. She found his lifeless body, and I'll leave it at that. We have no way of knowing what day he passed. Justin had been by to bring him groceries on Sunday, and that was the last contact anyone had with him that we are aware of. He left this world alone, and I can only pray that Jesus was there to take his weary hand in his last moments.
Gene was not a sweetheart, but he had his own way of loving us all. Most of you know that he battled cancer for the past six or seven years of his life. He endured radiation, chemotherapy, and a grueling surgery. The doctors had no idea how he survived all of that, but anyone who knows him can tell you it was because he was just "pretty damn stubborn." The cancer was stubborn, too, and it came back in his lungs and his skin. He had it removed, but chose to not go through any further treatment. He survived liver failure just over a year ago. He spent the past months in pain. Recently, his sight was even failing him, so much so, that he was no longer able to drive safely. The last of his joys....stolen from him.
Gene loved riding his motorcycle. After surviving his first round with cancer, he added a trike kit to his Honda Valkerie because he was too weak to ride it the other way. I remember the day he got on it and the way his face lit up at the prospect of getting to go on another big ride. He never got that chance, but he did manage to ride it around Big Spring when the temperature was warm enough.
Gene loved to come visit us. He loved to sit on the backporch and watch the deer move about. He had a special relationship with Kaylee that I never imagined he would have. He would tell you the same stories...over and over again. I would always make him something he enjoyed to eat like fried porkchops and mashed potatoes! He didn't have any teeth because the cancer took his jawbone, so food was not always easy to enjoy for him. I'd get a good three or four pounds on him during his stays, though!
When I met Gene, he was a crane operator. He would tell you everything you wanted to know and even more that you didn't about cranes! One of the first things he ever said to me was, "Man, your a big girl, aren't you?!!" So sweet...I know! That was him. He drank and smoked...well...until the cancer took that from him, too. I liked the friendlier sober Gene, but I longed for that guy that I met just years earlier that would run around in a pancho hitting on all the young ladies! He took me on my first trip across the border. I drank margaritas with him in Acuna at Crosby's, and yes, even went with him up "the hill" to get my first "boystown" experience. I still remember when our taxi pulled up, we got out and the bouncers greeted Gene by name along with big smiles and handshakes. This was the man I would call my father-in-law, someday! When my Gene graduated from Texas A&M, his dad was the one that partied too much and nearly got hauled off to jail because of an open container in the vehicle. He streaked in bars, he bought his whiskey by the box and smoked his cigarettes by the carton. He was a 21 year old in a 50 something year old body! He was crazy...
Gene Laroy Leonard was born to Dixie and Leroy Leonard. He took dance as a child. He raced dirtbikes in his youth. He took drugs. He hung out with Willie Nelson's brother. If it was dangerous, he was up for it! He married his high school sweetheart, Linda, and they had his first child...his daughter, Sonya. They later divorced, and he married again, to a woman named Dixie. Dixie wasn't sweet like his mother, though, and they divorced. Then, they remarried. Then....they divorced again. It must not have been a nice one, either, because she was driving her vehicle up to his work to run him over, so he took his crane and dropped a beam or something on her truck. Don't worry...he didn't kill Dixie. Cancer took her before he had the chance. He, later, ran into a waitress in town named Juanita. She was married at the time, but it's my understanding that her husband wasn't very nice to her. Gene told her that he'd take care of her, so she divorced, and Gene and Juanita got married. Together, they had two boys. My Gene was the oldest, and Justin came along a few years later. This marriage didn't make it either, though, and they divorced after many years of marriage. Gene and his first born had a very close relationship. Justin's relationship with him was more complicated, but I think...or at least hope...that it had mended itself in the last couple of years. I can't speak for Gene's relationship with his daughter. I can say that he told me on more occasions than I can count that he loved all of his kids. He told me this past year that he knew he had messed up in the past, and if he knew how to fix it, he would have. He figured it was too late, though.
My Gene and his dad had a special bond. My Gene told me that it was partially because he had to take care of his dad at such a young age. I saw this, myself, when I first met Gene. His dad would get so drunk he couldn't stand, so Gene would get him home and help him to bed. One of the hardest parts of their relationship was when my Gene left to go to Texas A&M. This meant that his boy, the one he depended on for everything, wouldn't be there anymore. He was jealous of me when we started dating because I took even more attention away from him. In a lot of ways, he was like a little kid. Once I showed him that I loved him, too, and I wasn't going anywhere, our relationship got much better. Still, I know that he missed riding motorcycles down to Del Rio with is son. The last ride they took together down there was in 2003. Still, he had the memories and stories to tell about all of the wild times they had together throughout the years. George Strait has a song called "Cowboys Like Us."
"...Cowboys like us sure do have fun, racing the wind, chasing the sun, take the long way around, back to square one, today we'll be outlaws out on the run, There'll be no regrets, no worries and such, Cowboys like us..."
The first time I heard it, it made me picture the two of them riding their "steal horses" to Mexico. It's a nice memory!
Gene left behind two living ex-wives, Linda and Juanita. I think both of them still loved him in some way, as I know he loved them. He left behind three children, Sonya, Gene and Justin. He left behind six grandchildren: Brandon, Sumer, Brittneigh, Kaylee, Bryson and Khynlyn. He left behind greatgrandchildren: Braeden, Braxton and Madeline. He never had the chance to meet Madeline or Bryson, but I hope those who did get to meet him can remember enough good things to tell them about him someday. I told Kaylee that she needs to try to remember every good thing she can remember about her Papa Gene to tell Bryson all about him when he gets older. We'll save the juicy stuff for a later date!
I don't think it's fully hit me that he is not here with us anymore. I hope God found a special place in heaven for him, though, because even if he didn't live a very clean life and probably did a lot of things to earn him a spot in a much warmer place, I believe that the good man that I got to know these past few years was always there. I pray he had a chance to ask for God's grace in his final moments. I pray that he is at peace and no longer in pain. The cancer took so much away from him, and that was punishment enough. Please, God, accept him into your loving arms. Please forgive him so that we all get the chance to see him again someday when our time comes.
So, that's it, in a nutshell. I can't stop shedding tears for this man that I once couldn't stand to be around. He grabbed a big ol' piece of my heart while I got to know him, though, and that part is aching now. I'm going to do my best to remember him...the good and the bad...and when I picture him in my mind, I will see him on a bright, shiny red honda motorcycle, headed off into the sunset... This is where the cowboy rides away.
Gene Laroy Leonard passed away at some point this week....alone. When Gene could not reach him for their weekly phonecall this afternoon, he called his brother, Justin, to go check on him. Justin was at work, but he sent his fiance, Chelsea, to go see if he was okay. She found his lifeless body, and I'll leave it at that. We have no way of knowing what day he passed. Justin had been by to bring him groceries on Sunday, and that was the last contact anyone had with him that we are aware of. He left this world alone, and I can only pray that Jesus was there to take his weary hand in his last moments.
Gene was not a sweetheart, but he had his own way of loving us all. Most of you know that he battled cancer for the past six or seven years of his life. He endured radiation, chemotherapy, and a grueling surgery. The doctors had no idea how he survived all of that, but anyone who knows him can tell you it was because he was just "pretty damn stubborn." The cancer was stubborn, too, and it came back in his lungs and his skin. He had it removed, but chose to not go through any further treatment. He survived liver failure just over a year ago. He spent the past months in pain. Recently, his sight was even failing him, so much so, that he was no longer able to drive safely. The last of his joys....stolen from him.
Gene loved riding his motorcycle. After surviving his first round with cancer, he added a trike kit to his Honda Valkerie because he was too weak to ride it the other way. I remember the day he got on it and the way his face lit up at the prospect of getting to go on another big ride. He never got that chance, but he did manage to ride it around Big Spring when the temperature was warm enough.
Gene loved to come visit us. He loved to sit on the backporch and watch the deer move about. He had a special relationship with Kaylee that I never imagined he would have. He would tell you the same stories...over and over again. I would always make him something he enjoyed to eat like fried porkchops and mashed potatoes! He didn't have any teeth because the cancer took his jawbone, so food was not always easy to enjoy for him. I'd get a good three or four pounds on him during his stays, though!
When I met Gene, he was a crane operator. He would tell you everything you wanted to know and even more that you didn't about cranes! One of the first things he ever said to me was, "Man, your a big girl, aren't you?!!" So sweet...I know! That was him. He drank and smoked...well...until the cancer took that from him, too. I liked the friendlier sober Gene, but I longed for that guy that I met just years earlier that would run around in a pancho hitting on all the young ladies! He took me on my first trip across the border. I drank margaritas with him in Acuna at Crosby's, and yes, even went with him up "the hill" to get my first "boystown" experience. I still remember when our taxi pulled up, we got out and the bouncers greeted Gene by name along with big smiles and handshakes. This was the man I would call my father-in-law, someday! When my Gene graduated from Texas A&M, his dad was the one that partied too much and nearly got hauled off to jail because of an open container in the vehicle. He streaked in bars, he bought his whiskey by the box and smoked his cigarettes by the carton. He was a 21 year old in a 50 something year old body! He was crazy...
Gene Laroy Leonard was born to Dixie and Leroy Leonard. He took dance as a child. He raced dirtbikes in his youth. He took drugs. He hung out with Willie Nelson's brother. If it was dangerous, he was up for it! He married his high school sweetheart, Linda, and they had his first child...his daughter, Sonya. They later divorced, and he married again, to a woman named Dixie. Dixie wasn't sweet like his mother, though, and they divorced. Then, they remarried. Then....they divorced again. It must not have been a nice one, either, because she was driving her vehicle up to his work to run him over, so he took his crane and dropped a beam or something on her truck. Don't worry...he didn't kill Dixie. Cancer took her before he had the chance. He, later, ran into a waitress in town named Juanita. She was married at the time, but it's my understanding that her husband wasn't very nice to her. Gene told her that he'd take care of her, so she divorced, and Gene and Juanita got married. Together, they had two boys. My Gene was the oldest, and Justin came along a few years later. This marriage didn't make it either, though, and they divorced after many years of marriage. Gene and his first born had a very close relationship. Justin's relationship with him was more complicated, but I think...or at least hope...that it had mended itself in the last couple of years. I can't speak for Gene's relationship with his daughter. I can say that he told me on more occasions than I can count that he loved all of his kids. He told me this past year that he knew he had messed up in the past, and if he knew how to fix it, he would have. He figured it was too late, though.
My Gene and his dad had a special bond. My Gene told me that it was partially because he had to take care of his dad at such a young age. I saw this, myself, when I first met Gene. His dad would get so drunk he couldn't stand, so Gene would get him home and help him to bed. One of the hardest parts of their relationship was when my Gene left to go to Texas A&M. This meant that his boy, the one he depended on for everything, wouldn't be there anymore. He was jealous of me when we started dating because I took even more attention away from him. In a lot of ways, he was like a little kid. Once I showed him that I loved him, too, and I wasn't going anywhere, our relationship got much better. Still, I know that he missed riding motorcycles down to Del Rio with is son. The last ride they took together down there was in 2003. Still, he had the memories and stories to tell about all of the wild times they had together throughout the years. George Strait has a song called "Cowboys Like Us."
"...Cowboys like us sure do have fun, racing the wind, chasing the sun, take the long way around, back to square one, today we'll be outlaws out on the run, There'll be no regrets, no worries and such, Cowboys like us..."
The first time I heard it, it made me picture the two of them riding their "steal horses" to Mexico. It's a nice memory!
Gene left behind two living ex-wives, Linda and Juanita. I think both of them still loved him in some way, as I know he loved them. He left behind three children, Sonya, Gene and Justin. He left behind six grandchildren: Brandon, Sumer, Brittneigh, Kaylee, Bryson and Khynlyn. He left behind greatgrandchildren: Braeden, Braxton and Madeline. He never had the chance to meet Madeline or Bryson, but I hope those who did get to meet him can remember enough good things to tell them about him someday. I told Kaylee that she needs to try to remember every good thing she can remember about her Papa Gene to tell Bryson all about him when he gets older. We'll save the juicy stuff for a later date!
I don't think it's fully hit me that he is not here with us anymore. I hope God found a special place in heaven for him, though, because even if he didn't live a very clean life and probably did a lot of things to earn him a spot in a much warmer place, I believe that the good man that I got to know these past few years was always there. I pray he had a chance to ask for God's grace in his final moments. I pray that he is at peace and no longer in pain. The cancer took so much away from him, and that was punishment enough. Please, God, accept him into your loving arms. Please forgive him so that we all get the chance to see him again someday when our time comes.
So, that's it, in a nutshell. I can't stop shedding tears for this man that I once couldn't stand to be around. He grabbed a big ol' piece of my heart while I got to know him, though, and that part is aching now. I'm going to do my best to remember him...the good and the bad...and when I picture him in my mind, I will see him on a bright, shiny red honda motorcycle, headed off into the sunset... This is where the cowboy rides away.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Whoa!!!!
I know, it's been quite awhile since I have posted a new blog. At this very moment, I have my six week old baby boy resting on my chest. It makes typing a bit more difficult, but he's demanding like that!
The past six weeks have flown by, and my response for that is, "Whoa!!!" Of course, there are a few things I don't mind saying goodbye to like the sleepless nights where Bryson was waking up every hour and a half to eat, the emotional rollercoaster of post partum hormones, and breastfeeding.
Let's take this week by week.
Week 1: While thrilled to finally have my baby boy home, I felt like a new mom, again. Being that Bryson was born on a Wednesday, Gene was already back to work that Friday, leaving me with both kids for the first time. Kaylee was unhappy that Bryson was taking so much time away from her, and she didn't understand why he cried so much. Let me tell you, we did our best to prepare her, but I'm afraid it was a waste of time. On a positive note, I was down 20 pounds by the end of that first week! I tried to remain positive that the next week would be easier.
Week 2: It was during week two that I felt the post-partum depression rear it's ugly head. It seemed that nothing I did pleased either child of mine. One day, Gene came home to find me breastfeeding and bawling my head off. I was just so tired, Kaylee was at the top of her ornery stage, and Bryson was colicky. The stress was getting to me, and I started gaining weight back very quickly. Bryson had his two week checkup this week, and he was down a pound from his birth weight. I hadn't been able to make enough milk to please him, so we had to begin supplementing with formula. It just seemed that nothing was going as planned. To friends and family, I did my best to put on my "everything is wonderful" face, but inside, the sadness was eating away at me.
Week 3: After two weeks without sleeping more than a two hour stretch of time, I was beginning to lose it. Since we were supplementing, now, this meant Gene could take care of Bryson for a night to help me out. I thought, "Just a night or two of sleep will make it all better." Unfortunately, Gene was was so cranky after one night with him, that I had to take him back the second night. I told him it was much easier to deal with my own grouchy attitude than to deal with his. The last thing our family needed was four cranky people! This week, Bryson had a weight check at the doctor's office, and we got some good news that he was finally thriving with the addition of formula! Finally, some good news!
Week 4: At this point, things were finally starting to mesh at home. Kaylee had finally realized that sharing us wouldn't be the end of the world. It probably didn't hurt that most of our weekends were centered around her dance competitions the past four weeks. I was able to do more for her now that I wasn't breastfeeding as much, too. Bryson had his four week checkup, and he was finally the size of an average newborn. His only issue was that he wasn't pooping without stimulation. We decided to change formula to see if it helped with that problem.
Week 5: That weekend, we took Bryson to meet one of his great-grandmothers, went out to eat in San Antonio, and took Kaylee to get her t-ball equipment. That Sunday, Omie and Opie came to the house for a visit, and Bryson let loose on Opie some awful diarrhea! We didn't think much of it, since he had started going on his own since we changed the formula. I figured he may have been reacting to that or something that he got through my breastmilk. That Monday, I had to get some recalls repaired on my car, so we went to Boerne and took care of that. We swung by the Rim to pick up a couple items we needed, and then we went to eat at Olive Garden. Bryson's diarrhea had continued throughout that day, so I called the doctor's office to see what she thought. She suggested switching him to soy formula. I was already at home for the day, so I planned on picking some up the following day. That night, when Bryson awoke that early morning for feeding, he was very warm. I took his temperature, and he was running a fever of just over 101. I gave him Tylenol, fed and changed him, and put him back to bed. When he awoke that morning, his fever was up to 102.6. He wasn't acting like his normal self, either, so I called the doctor. They suggested we come in to see her at 1:45 that afternoon. I gave him more Tylenol, in the meantime. His fever would go down, but never below 101. At the doctor, he was even more listless than he'd been that morning. He was burning up, grunting, and his skin was mottled. Something was not right, but it's difficult to tell in an infant without a more thorough examination. We could see concern on Dr. Howard's face as she examined him. She sat down and begin to explain the situation to us. She said that, in the past, when an infant under six weeks old came to the office with a fever of over 101, they would automatically admit them to the hospital for testing, fluids and IV antibiotics. She said that, presently, if the baby doesn't seem like they are in immediate danger, they will give an antibiotic shot at the office and send them home. At that point, I was expecting that to be the course of action. That's when she told us that Bryson was a sick baby, and she would not feel comfortable sending him home at that point in time. She has recently given up her pediatric privileges at Hill Country Memorial Hospital because the staff isn't trained well enough to care for little ones like Bryson. (My mother, an ICU nurse, agrees 100% with this assertion.) She told us she would like to send him to a children's hospital to get the best possible care. She gave us a run-through of what kind of tests they would do and what they would be looking for. We agreed to take him, so she began calling to try to get us a direct admit into the hospital. None of the hospitals wanted to take a direct admit, so we would have to go through their ER. All I wanted to do was break down and cry, but my five year old was already upset at the news. I couldn't show fear at this point. We assured her that the doctors would make Bryson all better, and that he would be back home soon. Kaylee stayed with Opie, and Omie came with us to Children's Methodist Hospital in San Antonio. The staff there was excellent, and they took him right through the sliding glass window to begin his workup. He had a fever of over 102 when we got to the ER. They took him to a room and a doctor came in to explain everything to us about the seriousness of the situation. She explained that it could be something as simple as a virus, but it could be much worse. Time was of the essence, as infants can go from good to bad in a matter of minutes. They began the workup taking blood, urine, and stool. They performed a spinal tap and did chest x-rays. He was started on IV antibiotics and a saline solution to rehydrate him. In an hour, the main tests all came back clear. He had low blood sugar, but that was rectified with a feeding. The cultures they took would take hours to come back, at that point, he was admitted, and we just had to wait for a room to become available. At 11 that night, we were still waiting, so I went ahead and sent Gene and mom home. Bryson and I settled in for a wait. Little did I know, it would be a long one!
Week 5: Wednesday morning, Bryson turned five weeks old, and we were still sitting in the ER waiting for a room. I was worried, exhausted and hungry. The morning wasn't all bad, though. Bryson was already looking better from the fluids he'd been given - a good sign. Another doctor stopped by that morning with more good news. The cultures that had been growing for the past twelve hours had shown no signs of a bacterial infection. They did find a virus in his spinal fluid, though, and it was looking like that was the culprit. I called Gene to let him know. He had plans to run jobs that morning, and then he'd come to the hospital. In all my exhaustion, I broke down on the phone with him, telling him how awful of a night it had been with no sleep. I told him how they had informed me earlier that morning that they had ordered me a breakfast tray, but I might not get it, being that the ER was at the bottom of the totem pole when it came to the kitchen delivering food. I had eaten a peanut butter sandwich for lunch the day before, and it was long gone. We hadn't eaten that evening through the hustle and bustle of things. I told him how they told me that we may not get a room, and there was a possibility we'd be stuck down in the ER the entire time. Don't get me wrong, they were very nice, but ER doesn't stand for patient care! They are used to diagnosing and admitting you and then sending you on your way upstairs. I even had to remind them to come give Bryson more Tylenol every single time. They would take his temperature, and then they'd forget to come back to give the meds. Gene was frustrated at the situation, so he changed his plans and came straight to the hospital instead. We spent the majority of the day in the ER, until we FINALLY got a room around mid-afternoon. The nurses got us settled in upstairs and told me to get some rest. I took a shower and climbed into bed. It was a relief! They continued the IV antibiotics even though the cultures still showed no bacteria. We were told that they would continue them either way because of the risk of him picking up some other bacteria while in the hospital. Sad...right?!! You don't think of the possibility of getting other illnesses in a place meant to heal. We had some family stop by to visit shortly after we got settled in the room. It was nice to see some familiar faces! Gene got us dinner, we ate, and then it was time for him to head home. He had to pick up Kaylee from Omie and Opie's and get her ready to go to work with him the next day. My best friend, Amy, came to keep me company after he left until visiting hours were over that night. It was wonderful to have someone to visit with! The next morning, the doctor stopped by to let me know that the cultures still showed no bacteria, and he would do his best to get us released by the afternoon. He stuck by his word, too, and we received our discharge papers shortly before noon. I called Gene, and he came to pick us up! Bryson ran fever for another three days at home, but other than that, he has shown no lasting affects from the virus. His final diagnosis was viral meningitis. Such a fancy name for something that just has to run it's course!
Week 6: My baby turned six weeks old on Wednesday, and he is doing wonderful. Other than still having diarrhea, he is perfectly healthy. He weighed in at over 10 pounds at his one week followup! He is turning out to be quite the chunky monkey, now that he's caught up! Mommy is quite the chunky monkey herself... I ended up gaining back 10 pounds of that 20 that I had initially lost. I am having a hard time with getting back in the swing of things, not getting enough exercise and snacking too much. My doctor put me back on metformin to help me regulate my hormone imbalance and boost my weightloss. The last thing I want to do is let my PCOS take over again before I get the chance to have another baby. I had always wanted to be done having my kids before 30, and here I sit at 31. I guess some plans get changed!
I am looking forward to, not necessarily having things get easier, but getting better at dealing with things. I realize, now that six weeks have flown by, that I am not getting them back. I can't slow time down, but I can slow down and enjoy my time with these sweet loves of my life! I am in no means in the driver's seat of my life at this point, but I'll gladly hang out on the passenger side for the ride! The house may not be clean, the yard may look unkempt and things may be in disarray, but I have my babies in my arms only for a short while! I will continue to tell myself this and hope for the best! When things start getting too busy, and I begin to get ahead of myself, I just have to tell myself, "Whoa!!!" Then, I can take a step back, and get back in the swing of things! Wish me luck!!!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
The past six weeks have flown by, and my response for that is, "Whoa!!!" Of course, there are a few things I don't mind saying goodbye to like the sleepless nights where Bryson was waking up every hour and a half to eat, the emotional rollercoaster of post partum hormones, and breastfeeding.
Let's take this week by week.
Week 1: While thrilled to finally have my baby boy home, I felt like a new mom, again. Being that Bryson was born on a Wednesday, Gene was already back to work that Friday, leaving me with both kids for the first time. Kaylee was unhappy that Bryson was taking so much time away from her, and she didn't understand why he cried so much. Let me tell you, we did our best to prepare her, but I'm afraid it was a waste of time. On a positive note, I was down 20 pounds by the end of that first week! I tried to remain positive that the next week would be easier.
Week 2: It was during week two that I felt the post-partum depression rear it's ugly head. It seemed that nothing I did pleased either child of mine. One day, Gene came home to find me breastfeeding and bawling my head off. I was just so tired, Kaylee was at the top of her ornery stage, and Bryson was colicky. The stress was getting to me, and I started gaining weight back very quickly. Bryson had his two week checkup this week, and he was down a pound from his birth weight. I hadn't been able to make enough milk to please him, so we had to begin supplementing with formula. It just seemed that nothing was going as planned. To friends and family, I did my best to put on my "everything is wonderful" face, but inside, the sadness was eating away at me.
Week 3: After two weeks without sleeping more than a two hour stretch of time, I was beginning to lose it. Since we were supplementing, now, this meant Gene could take care of Bryson for a night to help me out. I thought, "Just a night or two of sleep will make it all better." Unfortunately, Gene was was so cranky after one night with him, that I had to take him back the second night. I told him it was much easier to deal with my own grouchy attitude than to deal with his. The last thing our family needed was four cranky people! This week, Bryson had a weight check at the doctor's office, and we got some good news that he was finally thriving with the addition of formula! Finally, some good news!
Week 4: At this point, things were finally starting to mesh at home. Kaylee had finally realized that sharing us wouldn't be the end of the world. It probably didn't hurt that most of our weekends were centered around her dance competitions the past four weeks. I was able to do more for her now that I wasn't breastfeeding as much, too. Bryson had his four week checkup, and he was finally the size of an average newborn. His only issue was that he wasn't pooping without stimulation. We decided to change formula to see if it helped with that problem.
Week 5: That weekend, we took Bryson to meet one of his great-grandmothers, went out to eat in San Antonio, and took Kaylee to get her t-ball equipment. That Sunday, Omie and Opie came to the house for a visit, and Bryson let loose on Opie some awful diarrhea! We didn't think much of it, since he had started going on his own since we changed the formula. I figured he may have been reacting to that or something that he got through my breastmilk. That Monday, I had to get some recalls repaired on my car, so we went to Boerne and took care of that. We swung by the Rim to pick up a couple items we needed, and then we went to eat at Olive Garden. Bryson's diarrhea had continued throughout that day, so I called the doctor's office to see what she thought. She suggested switching him to soy formula. I was already at home for the day, so I planned on picking some up the following day. That night, when Bryson awoke that early morning for feeding, he was very warm. I took his temperature, and he was running a fever of just over 101. I gave him Tylenol, fed and changed him, and put him back to bed. When he awoke that morning, his fever was up to 102.6. He wasn't acting like his normal self, either, so I called the doctor. They suggested we come in to see her at 1:45 that afternoon. I gave him more Tylenol, in the meantime. His fever would go down, but never below 101. At the doctor, he was even more listless than he'd been that morning. He was burning up, grunting, and his skin was mottled. Something was not right, but it's difficult to tell in an infant without a more thorough examination. We could see concern on Dr. Howard's face as she examined him. She sat down and begin to explain the situation to us. She said that, in the past, when an infant under six weeks old came to the office with a fever of over 101, they would automatically admit them to the hospital for testing, fluids and IV antibiotics. She said that, presently, if the baby doesn't seem like they are in immediate danger, they will give an antibiotic shot at the office and send them home. At that point, I was expecting that to be the course of action. That's when she told us that Bryson was a sick baby, and she would not feel comfortable sending him home at that point in time. She has recently given up her pediatric privileges at Hill Country Memorial Hospital because the staff isn't trained well enough to care for little ones like Bryson. (My mother, an ICU nurse, agrees 100% with this assertion.) She told us she would like to send him to a children's hospital to get the best possible care. She gave us a run-through of what kind of tests they would do and what they would be looking for. We agreed to take him, so she began calling to try to get us a direct admit into the hospital. None of the hospitals wanted to take a direct admit, so we would have to go through their ER. All I wanted to do was break down and cry, but my five year old was already upset at the news. I couldn't show fear at this point. We assured her that the doctors would make Bryson all better, and that he would be back home soon. Kaylee stayed with Opie, and Omie came with us to Children's Methodist Hospital in San Antonio. The staff there was excellent, and they took him right through the sliding glass window to begin his workup. He had a fever of over 102 when we got to the ER. They took him to a room and a doctor came in to explain everything to us about the seriousness of the situation. She explained that it could be something as simple as a virus, but it could be much worse. Time was of the essence, as infants can go from good to bad in a matter of minutes. They began the workup taking blood, urine, and stool. They performed a spinal tap and did chest x-rays. He was started on IV antibiotics and a saline solution to rehydrate him. In an hour, the main tests all came back clear. He had low blood sugar, but that was rectified with a feeding. The cultures they took would take hours to come back, at that point, he was admitted, and we just had to wait for a room to become available. At 11 that night, we were still waiting, so I went ahead and sent Gene and mom home. Bryson and I settled in for a wait. Little did I know, it would be a long one!
Week 5: Wednesday morning, Bryson turned five weeks old, and we were still sitting in the ER waiting for a room. I was worried, exhausted and hungry. The morning wasn't all bad, though. Bryson was already looking better from the fluids he'd been given - a good sign. Another doctor stopped by that morning with more good news. The cultures that had been growing for the past twelve hours had shown no signs of a bacterial infection. They did find a virus in his spinal fluid, though, and it was looking like that was the culprit. I called Gene to let him know. He had plans to run jobs that morning, and then he'd come to the hospital. In all my exhaustion, I broke down on the phone with him, telling him how awful of a night it had been with no sleep. I told him how they had informed me earlier that morning that they had ordered me a breakfast tray, but I might not get it, being that the ER was at the bottom of the totem pole when it came to the kitchen delivering food. I had eaten a peanut butter sandwich for lunch the day before, and it was long gone. We hadn't eaten that evening through the hustle and bustle of things. I told him how they told me that we may not get a room, and there was a possibility we'd be stuck down in the ER the entire time. Don't get me wrong, they were very nice, but ER doesn't stand for patient care! They are used to diagnosing and admitting you and then sending you on your way upstairs. I even had to remind them to come give Bryson more Tylenol every single time. They would take his temperature, and then they'd forget to come back to give the meds. Gene was frustrated at the situation, so he changed his plans and came straight to the hospital instead. We spent the majority of the day in the ER, until we FINALLY got a room around mid-afternoon. The nurses got us settled in upstairs and told me to get some rest. I took a shower and climbed into bed. It was a relief! They continued the IV antibiotics even though the cultures still showed no bacteria. We were told that they would continue them either way because of the risk of him picking up some other bacteria while in the hospital. Sad...right?!! You don't think of the possibility of getting other illnesses in a place meant to heal. We had some family stop by to visit shortly after we got settled in the room. It was nice to see some familiar faces! Gene got us dinner, we ate, and then it was time for him to head home. He had to pick up Kaylee from Omie and Opie's and get her ready to go to work with him the next day. My best friend, Amy, came to keep me company after he left until visiting hours were over that night. It was wonderful to have someone to visit with! The next morning, the doctor stopped by to let me know that the cultures still showed no bacteria, and he would do his best to get us released by the afternoon. He stuck by his word, too, and we received our discharge papers shortly before noon. I called Gene, and he came to pick us up! Bryson ran fever for another three days at home, but other than that, he has shown no lasting affects from the virus. His final diagnosis was viral meningitis. Such a fancy name for something that just has to run it's course!
Week 6: My baby turned six weeks old on Wednesday, and he is doing wonderful. Other than still having diarrhea, he is perfectly healthy. He weighed in at over 10 pounds at his one week followup! He is turning out to be quite the chunky monkey, now that he's caught up! Mommy is quite the chunky monkey herself... I ended up gaining back 10 pounds of that 20 that I had initially lost. I am having a hard time with getting back in the swing of things, not getting enough exercise and snacking too much. My doctor put me back on metformin to help me regulate my hormone imbalance and boost my weightloss. The last thing I want to do is let my PCOS take over again before I get the chance to have another baby. I had always wanted to be done having my kids before 30, and here I sit at 31. I guess some plans get changed!
I am looking forward to, not necessarily having things get easier, but getting better at dealing with things. I realize, now that six weeks have flown by, that I am not getting them back. I can't slow time down, but I can slow down and enjoy my time with these sweet loves of my life! I am in no means in the driver's seat of my life at this point, but I'll gladly hang out on the passenger side for the ride! The house may not be clean, the yard may look unkempt and things may be in disarray, but I have my babies in my arms only for a short while! I will continue to tell myself this and hope for the best! When things start getting too busy, and I begin to get ahead of myself, I just have to tell myself, "Whoa!!!" Then, I can take a step back, and get back in the swing of things! Wish me luck!!!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Bryson's Birth Day! (Warning...graphic!)
Seeing that he's almost a week old, already, I thought it a fine time to share his birth story with everyone! If you've been to visit, you've already heard this one, but for those of you who haven't, you're in for a good story!
On Wednesday, March 28th, we arrived at Hill Country Memorial at five in the morning for my induction. We got settled in LDR 2, which is the same room we delivered Kaylee in! (I get to request it for our next child, too!) By six o'clock, my nurse, Lorie, had my IV in and my pitocin drip started at a three. I was already dilated to a 4 and over 75% effaced, so this wouldn't take long. Gene and Kaylee were there with me, and my sister arrived shortly afterwards. My mom showed up not long after that with my niece, Madison. My mom called my dad to tell him to come to the hospital, instead of going to work, since I was already so far along. He's our waiting room babysitting service! He arrived, and we were all sitting and visiting when I heard a pop on the monitor and, simultaneously, felt my water break. That was around 6:50 a.m., and I was shocked! Dr. Cornett was on her way, but wasn't planning on being there to break my water until eight. My day shift nurse, Maci, checked my cervix, and I had progressed to a 7 with his head right there. She immediately called Dr. Cornett and told her to step on it! She told me that Dr. Stafford was on-call, so if Dr. Cornett couldn't get there in time, Stafford could deliver me. We went ahead and started on my epidural because I was starting to feel some pretty major contractions. The anesthesiologist said that only one person could stay with me, so my Mom and sister went out to the hallway. My dad had the kids down at the cafeteria eating breakfast. I was numbed for the epidural, and he stuck me once, twice, three times...unsuccessfully. He was calling for a spinal needle when I began to "growl." It's my thing...I growl...loudly! My sister heard this, also, and was crying, thinking the anesthesiologist was hurting me. She and my mom ran in. Maci told him to stop and asked me if I felt like I needed to push. I replied, "His head is coming out!" They couldn't turn me around fast enough. There was no table set up, no doctor, no gloves, no oil... Dr. Ramsay was down the hall discharging a patient and heard the commotion. Another nurse ran to him and told him that the head was out. He came in rolling up his sleeves, and no faster than they could put some pads under me did Bryson fly into his hands! I didn't even push! At 7:23 a.m., my baby boy entered the world in a hurry! There was no cutting the cord for Gene or my sister - the doctor did it. They hurried to set up the warmer and get him cleaned up. Meanwhile, I still hadn't delivered my placenta, and I was bleeding heavily all over the floor. I could've cared less about me. I had only heard a couple little squeals out of Bryson, and all I wanted was to know that he was alright. Dr. Ramsay told me I needed to push the placenta out. I tried, but it wasn't coming. He ended up having to, manually, reach in and help it along. After that, he and the nurse slowed my bleeding and repaired a small tear. At the speed my children enter the world, I will always tear. When it was all said and done, Dr. Ramsay patted me on the knee and said, "Good job! That's how it's done!" I thanked him, and he left. Dr. Cornett walked in as they were in the process of all of this, and told me, "What did you do? This wasn't the plan!" She proceeded to fill out the birth report. She asked the nurses, "How long did she push?" to which they replied, "She didn't." She put down 30 seconds just for the record. They finally let me hold my sweet boy! He was quiet and tiny and perfect! I was in shock...everyone was in shock! It all went so quickly - literally! It happened so fast that I was afraid I wouldn't remember it. It was no ordinary birth, to say the least. Dr. Cornett said that she plans on checking into the hospital with me next time around! She barely made it for Kaylee, even though they called her over when I was at an 8 with her. She missed Bryson all together! She wants to be prepared next time around, and she's convinced that after two natural births, I need to give up on the epidural idea! I guess it's good that I have a high pain tolerance!
So, that's the story! Bryson Laroy Leonard was born on March 28th, 2012 at 7:23 a.m. measuring 19 inches in length and weighing in at 7 lbs. 2 oz.! He is perfect, and we love him sooooo much already! He fits right into our family - perfectly!
Note: I have a lot of pictures, thanks to my fabulous sister, and I will post them soon - I promise!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
On Wednesday, March 28th, we arrived at Hill Country Memorial at five in the morning for my induction. We got settled in LDR 2, which is the same room we delivered Kaylee in! (I get to request it for our next child, too!) By six o'clock, my nurse, Lorie, had my IV in and my pitocin drip started at a three. I was already dilated to a 4 and over 75% effaced, so this wouldn't take long. Gene and Kaylee were there with me, and my sister arrived shortly afterwards. My mom showed up not long after that with my niece, Madison. My mom called my dad to tell him to come to the hospital, instead of going to work, since I was already so far along. He's our waiting room babysitting service! He arrived, and we were all sitting and visiting when I heard a pop on the monitor and, simultaneously, felt my water break. That was around 6:50 a.m., and I was shocked! Dr. Cornett was on her way, but wasn't planning on being there to break my water until eight. My day shift nurse, Maci, checked my cervix, and I had progressed to a 7 with his head right there. She immediately called Dr. Cornett and told her to step on it! She told me that Dr. Stafford was on-call, so if Dr. Cornett couldn't get there in time, Stafford could deliver me. We went ahead and started on my epidural because I was starting to feel some pretty major contractions. The anesthesiologist said that only one person could stay with me, so my Mom and sister went out to the hallway. My dad had the kids down at the cafeteria eating breakfast. I was numbed for the epidural, and he stuck me once, twice, three times...unsuccessfully. He was calling for a spinal needle when I began to "growl." It's my thing...I growl...loudly! My sister heard this, also, and was crying, thinking the anesthesiologist was hurting me. She and my mom ran in. Maci told him to stop and asked me if I felt like I needed to push. I replied, "His head is coming out!" They couldn't turn me around fast enough. There was no table set up, no doctor, no gloves, no oil... Dr. Ramsay was down the hall discharging a patient and heard the commotion. Another nurse ran to him and told him that the head was out. He came in rolling up his sleeves, and no faster than they could put some pads under me did Bryson fly into his hands! I didn't even push! At 7:23 a.m., my baby boy entered the world in a hurry! There was no cutting the cord for Gene or my sister - the doctor did it. They hurried to set up the warmer and get him cleaned up. Meanwhile, I still hadn't delivered my placenta, and I was bleeding heavily all over the floor. I could've cared less about me. I had only heard a couple little squeals out of Bryson, and all I wanted was to know that he was alright. Dr. Ramsay told me I needed to push the placenta out. I tried, but it wasn't coming. He ended up having to, manually, reach in and help it along. After that, he and the nurse slowed my bleeding and repaired a small tear. At the speed my children enter the world, I will always tear. When it was all said and done, Dr. Ramsay patted me on the knee and said, "Good job! That's how it's done!" I thanked him, and he left. Dr. Cornett walked in as they were in the process of all of this, and told me, "What did you do? This wasn't the plan!" She proceeded to fill out the birth report. She asked the nurses, "How long did she push?" to which they replied, "She didn't." She put down 30 seconds just for the record. They finally let me hold my sweet boy! He was quiet and tiny and perfect! I was in shock...everyone was in shock! It all went so quickly - literally! It happened so fast that I was afraid I wouldn't remember it. It was no ordinary birth, to say the least. Dr. Cornett said that she plans on checking into the hospital with me next time around! She barely made it for Kaylee, even though they called her over when I was at an 8 with her. She missed Bryson all together! She wants to be prepared next time around, and she's convinced that after two natural births, I need to give up on the epidural idea! I guess it's good that I have a high pain tolerance!
So, that's the story! Bryson Laroy Leonard was born on March 28th, 2012 at 7:23 a.m. measuring 19 inches in length and weighing in at 7 lbs. 2 oz.! He is perfect, and we love him sooooo much already! He fits right into our family - perfectly!
Note: I have a lot of pictures, thanks to my fabulous sister, and I will post them soon - I promise!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Get Outta My Belly!!!!
Okay, Bryson Laroy Leonard, the fun is over! YOU need to get your little tail movin' in a southward direction ASAP! I've done everything to keep you cooking for the necessary allotment of time, and now, it is time to come out and join your family!
I have been doing everything in my power, that I know of, to go into labor. I figure that if I am already 2 centimeters dilated and 50% effaced, it shouldn't take that much more to get it moving along, right?!! I've tried walking, standing on my feet all day long, eating spicy food, mowing, doing yardwork, washing vehicles, and more! Sure, I've gotten some good regular contractions over significant periods of time, but my water isn't breaking. Someone recommended primrose oil to try, but I've read that it just causes the cervix to soften, which has already happened for me. "Soft and low" is where I sit! I'm tempted to ask Dr. Cornett to strip my membranes at my Tuesday appointment. I've heard it is painful, and it doesn't always work. At this point, I am willing to try it, though. I have quite the pain tolerance, so a bit of pain doesn't scare me. These constant contractions are painful and annoying, so what's a little more pain?
Anyone that knows me knows that I prefer to be in control of everything, no matter the situation. I feel so out of control of our baby's arrival - that's not working for me! As I have stated before, I haven't had the pleasure of going into labor on my own. I have this feeling that it's not going to happen for me this time either. I'm not worried about Bryson being too big, at this point. This Tuesday will be our final ultrasound, so we will see what he is averaging, size-wise, then. I just know that I don't want to be in the hospital during Kaylee's competition, and I'd rather not be in during Easter either. I love the ladies that work at our hospital, and I know most of them. I'm sure none of them prefer to be working on Easter, and I want my nurses to be in a good mood during my stay! Plus, it might be difficult to arrange an Easter egg hunt at Hill Country Memorial!
I really hope Bryson decides to come out and meet us before I have to have my appointment on Tuesday, but if that doesn't happen, I hope that she has some better "news" on my status as a very pregnant lady! Until then, wish us luck! Here's hoping this boy will GET OUTTA MY BELLY very soon!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
I have been doing everything in my power, that I know of, to go into labor. I figure that if I am already 2 centimeters dilated and 50% effaced, it shouldn't take that much more to get it moving along, right?!! I've tried walking, standing on my feet all day long, eating spicy food, mowing, doing yardwork, washing vehicles, and more! Sure, I've gotten some good regular contractions over significant periods of time, but my water isn't breaking. Someone recommended primrose oil to try, but I've read that it just causes the cervix to soften, which has already happened for me. "Soft and low" is where I sit! I'm tempted to ask Dr. Cornett to strip my membranes at my Tuesday appointment. I've heard it is painful, and it doesn't always work. At this point, I am willing to try it, though. I have quite the pain tolerance, so a bit of pain doesn't scare me. These constant contractions are painful and annoying, so what's a little more pain?
Anyone that knows me knows that I prefer to be in control of everything, no matter the situation. I feel so out of control of our baby's arrival - that's not working for me! As I have stated before, I haven't had the pleasure of going into labor on my own. I have this feeling that it's not going to happen for me this time either. I'm not worried about Bryson being too big, at this point. This Tuesday will be our final ultrasound, so we will see what he is averaging, size-wise, then. I just know that I don't want to be in the hospital during Kaylee's competition, and I'd rather not be in during Easter either. I love the ladies that work at our hospital, and I know most of them. I'm sure none of them prefer to be working on Easter, and I want my nurses to be in a good mood during my stay! Plus, it might be difficult to arrange an Easter egg hunt at Hill Country Memorial!
I really hope Bryson decides to come out and meet us before I have to have my appointment on Tuesday, but if that doesn't happen, I hope that she has some better "news" on my status as a very pregnant lady! Until then, wish us luck! Here's hoping this boy will GET OUTTA MY BELLY very soon!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
Friday, March 23, 2012
38 Weeks!!!
My, oh my, where has the time gone?!! Today, I am 38 weeks along in this pregnancy. There were days when I thought I'd never get here, and there are times when I wish the weeks hadn't gone by so quickly, as well.
At 38 weeks along with Kaylee, I was headed to the hospital to be induced. For awhile, Dr. Cornett thought this would be the route we'd be taking again, but it looks like my blood pressure has fallen back into a normal pattern. I've shown no more protein in my urine (major sign of preeclampsia), in the past three weeks, and I've had no other problems with swelling or headaches. The most irritating thing going on, I'd say, is the on and off contractions that I seem to be having. Since last Sunday, when I was awakened at 2 a.m. with painful contractions, I have been having similar contractions on and off. At times, they are even timeable! Then....they quit....for no apparent reason. Don't get me wrong, they are causing progression, and as of Tuesday, I was 2 cm dilated, 50% effaced, low and soft. I've had a couple other signs that labor is getting close, but here I sit, 38 weeks along and no baby! In fact, my contractions have decreased in the past two days. I am still holding onto the hope that my body will go into labor, naturally, as it should. I can't help but be a bit discouraged at the slow down, though. I, in no way, WANT to be induced, again, but Dr. Cornett says that this stage of labor can go on for the next couple weeks, and she could still have to induce me. I know that some women go past 40 weeks and still manage to have perfectly healthy babies, but I don't know if I have it in me. I am getting so anxious, waiting for something, anything, to happen! Patience is not my strong point!
I guess what is bothering me most at this time is that Kaylee has her first competition March 31st, and I do not want to miss it...nor do I want her to miss it. I have said to myself over the last few weeks that I am going, irregardless of stage of pregnancy or doctor's orders, but it scares me to be two hours away from the hospital. The last thing I want to do is jeopardise the health and safety of Bryson, but Kaylee deserves to have her mommy there, cheering her on! And, I, as a mommy, have the right to see my baby girl perform at her ONLY first dance competition! I keep praying for the strength to get through this, and I know that God has his plan, but it doesn't seem to make things any easier.
With any hope, I will go into labor in the next few days, and Bryson will be able to see his big sister perform! I keep holding onto that hope, since it is all I have at this point. Dr. Cornett won't be available today to deliver because her daughter has a swim meet out of town, but after that, I am ready to roll! I will be walking, mowing my yard, doing jumping jacks....whatever it takes to kickstart this plan into action! And, no worries, you will ALL be informed if and when this plan takes affect!!!
Until then, wish me luck, and please pray for the safe arrival of our baby Bryson very soon!!!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
At 38 weeks along with Kaylee, I was headed to the hospital to be induced. For awhile, Dr. Cornett thought this would be the route we'd be taking again, but it looks like my blood pressure has fallen back into a normal pattern. I've shown no more protein in my urine (major sign of preeclampsia), in the past three weeks, and I've had no other problems with swelling or headaches. The most irritating thing going on, I'd say, is the on and off contractions that I seem to be having. Since last Sunday, when I was awakened at 2 a.m. with painful contractions, I have been having similar contractions on and off. At times, they are even timeable! Then....they quit....for no apparent reason. Don't get me wrong, they are causing progression, and as of Tuesday, I was 2 cm dilated, 50% effaced, low and soft. I've had a couple other signs that labor is getting close, but here I sit, 38 weeks along and no baby! In fact, my contractions have decreased in the past two days. I am still holding onto the hope that my body will go into labor, naturally, as it should. I can't help but be a bit discouraged at the slow down, though. I, in no way, WANT to be induced, again, but Dr. Cornett says that this stage of labor can go on for the next couple weeks, and she could still have to induce me. I know that some women go past 40 weeks and still manage to have perfectly healthy babies, but I don't know if I have it in me. I am getting so anxious, waiting for something, anything, to happen! Patience is not my strong point!
I guess what is bothering me most at this time is that Kaylee has her first competition March 31st, and I do not want to miss it...nor do I want her to miss it. I have said to myself over the last few weeks that I am going, irregardless of stage of pregnancy or doctor's orders, but it scares me to be two hours away from the hospital. The last thing I want to do is jeopardise the health and safety of Bryson, but Kaylee deserves to have her mommy there, cheering her on! And, I, as a mommy, have the right to see my baby girl perform at her ONLY first dance competition! I keep praying for the strength to get through this, and I know that God has his plan, but it doesn't seem to make things any easier.
With any hope, I will go into labor in the next few days, and Bryson will be able to see his big sister perform! I keep holding onto that hope, since it is all I have at this point. Dr. Cornett won't be available today to deliver because her daughter has a swim meet out of town, but after that, I am ready to roll! I will be walking, mowing my yard, doing jumping jacks....whatever it takes to kickstart this plan into action! And, no worries, you will ALL be informed if and when this plan takes affect!!!
Until then, wish me luck, and please pray for the safe arrival of our baby Bryson very soon!!!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
37th Week!!!
Well, we are trucking through the 37th week of this pregnancy! It's definitely a bumpier part of the road than the previous weeks have been. After spending the last week on modified bed-rest, I did manage to get some good results at the doctor's office, though!
I spent Monday morning registering at the hospital to have an ultrasound in the Radiology Department. Dr. Cornett wants to continue keeping an eye on my amniotic fluid level since my blood pressure has become unstable. The good news was that everything looked great! My fluid level was perfect, and Bryson managed around a pound of growth in just one week! I know, these measurements are not accurate, but it assured me that he is, obviously growing, and is not being affected too much by my hypertension! I measured 6 lbs. 6 oz. and right on target. His head is about a week ahead, still, and his legs look like they will be long, too, measuring about a week ahead, as well!
I still wish my blood pressure had chosen to remain stable, as it has throughout the pregnancy, but I must admit, I do enjoy the weekly ultrasounds leading up to our son's arrival! Perhaps the good Lord knows that I need the reasurance that my boy is healthy and safe, and this is his way of helping me out!
I saw another doctor affiliated with my OB's practice, since my doctor is on vacation this week. She was very nice, bless her heart, but I was never more happy to get out of that office! There are just some doctor's that you connect with, and others....well...I'll leave it at that! The good news was that my week of resting seemed to pay off. I ended up with no protein in my urine for the first time in the last few weeks, although I did get a lecture about needing to drink more water. My blood pressure was okay, and somehow, my weight was down. I am convinced the nurse didn't calibrate the scale correctly because I know that I haven't lost any weight! The doctor had trouble getting my fundal height measurement, but I am thinking it's because Bryson has dropped even lower into the birth canal this week. She kept telling me, "I'm only getting 32!" I told her that Dr. Cornett never told me what my measurement was...just that he was measuring just right. I highly doubt that Bryson measured 35 1/2 weeks last week and only 32 this week. It's like she wanted some kind of explanation from me that I didn't have the answer to. Oh, well! I reminded her that I was supposed to be getting a repeat NST this week, so she went to find the machine and left it at that. Of course, Bryson fell asleep right as I was hooked up to the monitor! I finally managed to wake him up "manually" and told him that if he ever wanted to get out of that office, he needed to show some spunk! Shockingly, he listened! I was never more happy to get out of that office, but I didn't manage to get away without some handouts that the doctor insisted I read up on dealing with Preeclampsia, Toxemia and Going into Labor. Did I forget to mention, I had to keep telling her that this was my second full-term pregnancy? Literally, it took nearly a half-dozen reminders that I had another child at home that I, also, had hypertension with. She kept telling me, "Well, since this is your first..." and "Since you're a first time mom..." Oh my goodness, I wanted to SCREAM!!! I was sweet and nice, instead, and kept on reminding her.
So, now, I have to keep up with Dr. Cornett's orders to try to keep Bryson comfortable in there. My blood pressure checks at home have been all over the place. This morning, I had my highest reading, yet, at 133/95, so I am doing my best to remain calm and relaxed today. I really miss my 105/65 readings that I was getting very used to! I continue to have some minor contractions, but it's nothing that slow and steady breathing doesn't get me through. I guess we will find out more at my ultrasound and appointment with Dr. Cornett on Tuesday! Until then, I will keep doing my part for this boy of mine!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
Past due....Baby Shower Blog!
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I know a couple weeks have passed by, but I couldn't go without posting about my adorable shower that my sister and mother gave me! Being that this is our second child to be born, I didn't expect a shower, but, being the wonderful people they are, our family and friends "sprinkled" us with all kinds of wonderful goodies for Bryson!
My mom hosted the shower at her house, and she was so nervous that there wouldn't be enough room for everyone. We had hoped the weather would cooperate to have everything outside, but, as usual, it was devastatingly cold out. That didn't stop us from enjoying ourselves, though! Here are a few photos showing how very nice everything turned out!
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| Mmmmm...my yummy cake! (Thank you, Mama!) |
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| ...and my delicious cupcakes made by my wonderful sister! |
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| My aunt, uncle and cousins brought Bryson this adorable diaper cake! |
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| My sister made us a very cute diaper cake as well as all of the cute decorations! |
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| Of course, you have to have yummy snacks... |
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| ...and we were blessed with some fabulous gifts for Bryson! It is obvious that he is a very loved little boy, already!!! |
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| Omie made sure that he had an Aggie bib and tons of other goodies. My parents have been so helpful in preparing for their second grandson's arrival, and he is so lucky to have them! |
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| I had some great helpers when it came to opening up all of those presents! |
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| ...and the proud Big Sis, Kaylee even got a few goodies of her own! |
After the shower, we had a small barbecue down at the house for family that had come into town. I called it "Gene's Beer, Barbecue and Boy Baby Shower!" (unofficially, of course!) It gave the guys something to do while all of us ladies enjoyed ourselves at the shower! Karen happened to snap a few photos of my belly as I prepared to serve the food, as well as one of us "Proud Parents to-be-Again!"
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| You woudn't think he's due in the next month, huh? |
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| ...the never-changing profile! I'm just fine with that, and he's growing just fine! |
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| Proud Parents! We can't wait to meet our little man! |
I am so blessed with wonderful friends and family that have always shown us such love and continue to do so every single day! Bryson couldn't ask for a better welcome into this world, and I cannot wait to introduce him to each and everyone of you! We love you all!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Bryson Update!
Yesterday, we had another ultrasound and checkup at 35 weeks and 3 days exactly! Bryson is doing great, and is measuring a healthy 5 lbs. 5 oz. at the moment. Aside from being face up, he seems ready to make his entrance into our lives. He spent the entire ultrasound sucking, first his fingers and then just sucking.
He is, certainly filling up the space he has in there. I still do not seem to be growing in my outward appearance, though! People look at me strangely when I tell them that I will be delivering soon.
Towards the end of our ultrasound, the tech got a second photo of Bryson looking straight at us. You can see the outline of his little round face, and it reminds me of Kaylee's when she was born! I can't wait to see if he is going to look like her!
My appointment that followed my ultrasound wasn't until later in the afternoon, so Kaylee and I went to Walmart to kill some time and get a few Easter items. Little did I know, my afternoon appointment wasn't going to go as smoothly as I thought!
I went into my appointment knowing that she would be checking my cervix, doing a strep swab and performing a non-stress test. As usual, the nurse starts out by weighing me and taking my blood pressure. My weight was fine (something I'm always stressing over), but my blood pressure was the highest it has been so far. I told Dr. Cornett that I'd been having some contractions over the weekend, as well, which became evident when she checked me for dilation. I am, now, between a 1 and 2. She told me that it's normal to progress further with your second without any complications just because the body has done it before, and that she wasn't overly concerned. She was concerned, however, about my blood pressure because of my history. I think the part that worries her the most is that she is going to be out of town next week for Spring Break, and she doesn't want me to have to have Bryson prematurely and without her there. I don't blame her...I want her to be there, too! She said that, at this point, they do not adjust meds to bring down the blood pressure. Instead, they start with bedrest, and if that is not successful, then the only other option is to be induced. As she's telling me this, I'm flashing back to my pregnancy with Kaylee, and I know what she is about to tell me. We start with a "modified bedrest" where I am no longer allowed to do those things that I am known to do on a regular basis like clean house and yardwork. There's no more all-day shopping trips where I am on my feet for more than a few hours at a time. In Dr. Cornett's words, "Chill out, relax and put your feet up!" If there still wasn't so much to do, I would be more than inclined to do this. Fortunately, I am a stay-at-home-mom, which does make it easier this time around! The difference is that I have a five-year-old, a bigger house and yard, and a more dependent husband than I did five years ago. I find it difficult to sit around and watch the dust settle! I know, from previous experience, though, that the doctor knows what she is talking about. I wasn't the best listener with Kaylee, and I ended up on full bedrest within a week and a half of those original orders. I'll be at 36 weeks on Friday, and 37 weeks is considered full-term in the sense that the lungs should be developed enough to survive outside the womb without assistance. Dr. Cornett would like to get me to 38 weeks to be on the safe side. That is what we did with Kaylee, and she was perfectly healthy. So, right now, that is our goal. I need to make it 2 1/2 more weeks. I still hope to go into labor without having to be induced, though. That is one thing I don't wish to relive! There will be no other choice if my blood pressure doesn't maintain or go down, though.
So, that is where we sit! I have to have an ultrasound each week, now, to have my Amniotic Fluid Index (AFI) done. Hypertension affects the amount of amniotic fluid, and if the level gets too low, there will be no other choice than to induce, then and there. They will also repeat the non-stress test again next week to make sure Bryson is handling everything without distress. Yesterday, he did just fine, aside from falling asleep! They, literally, made me eat a piece of cake to wake him up. I can honestly say, I never thought I'd be eating cake in the doctor's office! Dr. Cornett told me to bring along a coke next time to make sure he is wide awake for the test. Perhaps, he will be his father's son and able to sleep through anything!
I am hoping and praying that this is a temporary setback, and with rest, the remainder of this pregnancy will go as smoothly as the last nine months have. Bryson and I had a heart to heart discussion last night, and I promised him that I would do everything in my power to help him stay in there to finish growing if he'd have the patience to wait a couple more weeks for his arrival! He gave me a few kicks to let me know that he was right there with me! I see Dr. Rickerhauser next Monday and will have my ultrasound at the hospital on Monday or Tuesday (due to Spring Break complications), and am looking forward to a clean bill of health to get us through the next week ahead! Until then, I will let you all know if anything new arises! Here's hoping that I don't have any new announcements before then!!!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
He is, certainly filling up the space he has in there. I still do not seem to be growing in my outward appearance, though! People look at me strangely when I tell them that I will be delivering soon.
Towards the end of our ultrasound, the tech got a second photo of Bryson looking straight at us. You can see the outline of his little round face, and it reminds me of Kaylee's when she was born! I can't wait to see if he is going to look like her!
Our boy's head is finally catching up to his body, too! This is the kind of thing a Mommy likes to hear. It's a little less than a week ahead at the moment!My appointment that followed my ultrasound wasn't until later in the afternoon, so Kaylee and I went to Walmart to kill some time and get a few Easter items. Little did I know, my afternoon appointment wasn't going to go as smoothly as I thought!
I went into my appointment knowing that she would be checking my cervix, doing a strep swab and performing a non-stress test. As usual, the nurse starts out by weighing me and taking my blood pressure. My weight was fine (something I'm always stressing over), but my blood pressure was the highest it has been so far. I told Dr. Cornett that I'd been having some contractions over the weekend, as well, which became evident when she checked me for dilation. I am, now, between a 1 and 2. She told me that it's normal to progress further with your second without any complications just because the body has done it before, and that she wasn't overly concerned. She was concerned, however, about my blood pressure because of my history. I think the part that worries her the most is that she is going to be out of town next week for Spring Break, and she doesn't want me to have to have Bryson prematurely and without her there. I don't blame her...I want her to be there, too! She said that, at this point, they do not adjust meds to bring down the blood pressure. Instead, they start with bedrest, and if that is not successful, then the only other option is to be induced. As she's telling me this, I'm flashing back to my pregnancy with Kaylee, and I know what she is about to tell me. We start with a "modified bedrest" where I am no longer allowed to do those things that I am known to do on a regular basis like clean house and yardwork. There's no more all-day shopping trips where I am on my feet for more than a few hours at a time. In Dr. Cornett's words, "Chill out, relax and put your feet up!" If there still wasn't so much to do, I would be more than inclined to do this. Fortunately, I am a stay-at-home-mom, which does make it easier this time around! The difference is that I have a five-year-old, a bigger house and yard, and a more dependent husband than I did five years ago. I find it difficult to sit around and watch the dust settle! I know, from previous experience, though, that the doctor knows what she is talking about. I wasn't the best listener with Kaylee, and I ended up on full bedrest within a week and a half of those original orders. I'll be at 36 weeks on Friday, and 37 weeks is considered full-term in the sense that the lungs should be developed enough to survive outside the womb without assistance. Dr. Cornett would like to get me to 38 weeks to be on the safe side. That is what we did with Kaylee, and she was perfectly healthy. So, right now, that is our goal. I need to make it 2 1/2 more weeks. I still hope to go into labor without having to be induced, though. That is one thing I don't wish to relive! There will be no other choice if my blood pressure doesn't maintain or go down, though.
So, that is where we sit! I have to have an ultrasound each week, now, to have my Amniotic Fluid Index (AFI) done. Hypertension affects the amount of amniotic fluid, and if the level gets too low, there will be no other choice than to induce, then and there. They will also repeat the non-stress test again next week to make sure Bryson is handling everything without distress. Yesterday, he did just fine, aside from falling asleep! They, literally, made me eat a piece of cake to wake him up. I can honestly say, I never thought I'd be eating cake in the doctor's office! Dr. Cornett told me to bring along a coke next time to make sure he is wide awake for the test. Perhaps, he will be his father's son and able to sleep through anything!
I am hoping and praying that this is a temporary setback, and with rest, the remainder of this pregnancy will go as smoothly as the last nine months have. Bryson and I had a heart to heart discussion last night, and I promised him that I would do everything in my power to help him stay in there to finish growing if he'd have the patience to wait a couple more weeks for his arrival! He gave me a few kicks to let me know that he was right there with me! I see Dr. Rickerhauser next Monday and will have my ultrasound at the hospital on Monday or Tuesday (due to Spring Break complications), and am looking forward to a clean bill of health to get us through the next week ahead! Until then, I will let you all know if anything new arises! Here's hoping that I don't have any new announcements before then!!!
Love and blessings,
Jessie
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