Remembering Mr. Scott Fields...

The sad news came out today that one of my high school ag teachers passed this morning after a battle with cancer. Mr. Scott Fields touched many lives over his many years, including mine. I found out only a couple weeks ago that he was fighting cancer, so it was a shock to find out that it had taken him so quickly. I found out today that he'd been fighting the cancer since 2010. While we are sad at the loss of such a great mentor, we can find solitude in the fact that he is no longer in pain, and he is with the Lord.

When I think back on my memories of Mr. Fields, so many different ones come to mind - even some that should be left unsaid! For those who knew him, they remember the energy that he had about him. He was always busy with something, his desk was ALWAYS a mess, and he never stopped moving. He never hesitated to throw a workbook, or a chair for that matter, across the room out of frustration. We all know that each of us gave him plenty to be frustrated about! At the same time, he would be there for any student, no matter the situation. He wrote me a multitude of recommendation letters when I was applying for college and scholarships. He's the reason that I went into college with plans to teach high school agriculture. He plainly told me, "You don't want to teach ag! Do you want to do something where you have to work all of the time and get paid squat!??" Well, those were close to his real words...that I am sure! I can remember asking him if he liked his job. In reply, he told me that he didn't like it...he loved it, but he'd never recommend it. That was him...honest to a fault!

When I started ag, my freshman year, I can remember meeting Mr. Fields and Mr. Usener, his teaching partner, for the first time. I'd heard the horror stories already. Mr. Usener didn't like girls in ag, but Mr. Fields seemed to believe in giving everyone a fair chance. When we started doing judging contests, I tried my hardest, but I never did that great. Our sophmore year, we lost Mr. Usener early in the school year, and Mr. Fields took on more than any one man should ever have to. I believe it was a week or two after losing Mr. Usener, Mr. Fields called my house late one evening. My mom had answered, and he had asked to speak to me. She handed me the phone and told me who it was. I remember thinking, "What could he want from me?" On the other end, in that tone that he had, he quickly asked me, "Would you be interested in going to the Land Judging contest this weekend?" Of course, I said sure, and from then on, I was always treated with respect in his ag program. I may have never been the best at any of the judging teams I was placed on, but I was "dependable", and I think that is always what he needed from his students. And that is was he always was to us!

Teachers have to be there for their students. Well, that is what should be, but unfortunately, that is not always the case. Mr. Fields was always there for me, though, and for that I will always be grateful. My senior year, I was showing in my last stockshow ever. It was the San Antonio stockshow, and my pig was awesome! Cody Stone, the 4-H agent at the time, was confident that my pig was capable of winning the show. I, knowing how much work I had put into this project, was excited about this! I can still remember, to this day, how it all went down. The first job of our ag teachers was to double check all of our pigs with their validation papers. When they came to my pig, there was a problem. One of the ear notches had not been recorded correctly when my pig was validated. This was something I should have double checked at validation, but I didn't. The other ag teacher said he would take care of it, and told me not to worry about a thing. The next day, as I walked my pig into the show ring, the judge took one look and sent me to a holding pen. Mr. Fields and Cody were quick to my side with excitement. The ring-men came along to check the validation paperwork on each penned pig, and mine, of course, wasn't correct. I was sent back to another holding pen along with another little girl who's pig was missing a tag all together. Mr. Fields and Cody followed me, and they stood by me as the ring-man told me that they would have to send my pig to "the trailer." Mr. Fields filled with anger while trying to take responsibility for the mistake, my mistake. He begged and pleaded to the ring-man to let me show my pig. He told him that this was my last show of my senior year, but it didn't matter. The ring-man replied, "I already let that other girl's pig back in without a tag. I can't let two in with problems!" I was devastated, and so were Mr. Fields and Cody. As I exited the ring to the trailer, I was told that the judge pulled the ring-man aside, pointed at me, and asked why I was being sent away. I can only wonder what kind of success my hard work would have provided me that day, but I never had to wonder if my ag teacher had my best interests in mind. They were as heartbroken as I was that day. Mr. Fields apologized to me over and over for not making sure the validation was fixed the day before. I told him that I knew it wasn't his fault - it was just a hard lesson learned. Mr. Fields told me, some years later, when I was home from college taking in the local stockshow, that he continued to use me as an example every year at validation time! I'd like to think that I had impacted his life, that year, as much as he'd impacted mine!

I could sit here all day and write about all of the great things I remember about Mr. Fields. I can tell you about him driving like a maniac in school vehicles, off-roading in the caravan during land judging, and slamming on the brakes of the bus for "brake checks." I can tell you about him calling the last motel available in Stephenville after our other hotel reservations got screwed up and threatening the motel owner/manager to bring 20 high school students to sleep on the floor of his lobby if he didn't give us rooms for the night. Trust me, we would have rather slept on the bus than in this motel, but he made sure we had a place to stay! I can tell you how he always let us leave campus to go get donuts in the morning - as long as we brought him some! There are so many memories in my mind, and I know there are many more from his other students, too!

Mr. Fields wasn't always perfect, and he probably could have never passed a teacher evaluation if they knew what really went on in his classes. But, he was one of the most inspirational teachers I ever had. He was the reason I didn't completely hate high school, and that is saying a lot! Mr. Fields, I hope you know how very much you meant to me, and I hope you know how many lives you touched in your many years on this earth! You will be greatly missed, but we will carry all of these cherished memories with us until the end of time!

Love and blessings,
Jessie

Am I Ready for This???

So, we had a parent's meeting last night at Kaylee's dance school. The purpose of the meeting was to discuss competitions, dates, fees, etc. I thought the money part would be the most difficult for me to swallow, but it wasn't that bad, at all. For now, Kaylee will just be doing group dances. The real big bucks come in with additional solos and other dances. We'll have to pinch a few more pennies here and there, but I think we can handle the financials for now!

The real big shock came about when the dates of the competitions were read out. First competition, March 31st thru April 1st (i.e. a week before my due date). Second competion, April 13th thru April 15th (i.e.  a week after my due date). Third competition, April 20th thru April 22nd (i.e. the weekend of Aggie Muster). It really didn't set in until this morning when I was programing everything into my phone calender, how  much this is really going to impact our lives.

Lord knows, having a baby is stressful enough without scheduling conflicts. I can tell you right now that Kaylee will NOT be doing t-ball in the spring! I just can't handle it, and I know there would be no way to fit that, too, into her already buzzing schedule! I am running through scenarios in my head of how everything is going to pan out already. Maybe the baby will come a couple weeks early? Reality check...will I be able to take a week old baby to Kaylee's first competition? Will the baby arrive on it's due date? Okay, then we have an Easter weekend baby...making planning birthday parties interesting on certain years. Still, I can handle that. Surely, I can handle whatever comes along, but am I ready for it?

We are very fortunate and blessed to have some friends and family who have stepped in to say that they will make sure Kaylee gets to and from competitions and has an enjoyable experience, should we not be able to be there ourselves. Still, my heart breaks to think that I may miss my baby girl's first competition, or any of them for that matter. A good mommy would be there to fix her hair and put on her make-up. A good mommy would be there to take pictures so that she has those memories to treasure for years to come. A good mommy would be there to cheer her on as she dances her heart out on the stage in front of an audience. Am I ready to miss out on this?

On my end, what if I am having the baby on a competition day? Kaylee will have to miss the birth of her brother or sister. My sister will not be able to be by my side to help me through my labor and cut the cord like she was with Kaylee. How sad would it be to not have some of the people closest to my heart there when this new life comes into this world to meet us? It brings tears to my eyes to even think about it!

One might ask, "Why not wait another year for Kaylee to do competition?" I ask the same question myself. She wants to do it so badly, though, and I just don't have the heart to tell her that she can't do it! How do you tell a little girl that is putting everything she has into something that she will just have to wait? I can't do that. I can't tell my little girl that she can do anything she sets her heart to, then turn around and take it away. I won't do it!

Am I ready for this? It's not like things are ever going to slow down. Kaylee is getting older. She is doing dance and soccer, now. Next year, we'll add school into the mix. Then 4-H and stockshows get mixed in. Not to mention, there's this other little one here that will be needing us, too! I guess every mother going from one child to two goes through this anxiety at some point. Every mother asks themselves, "Am I ready for this?"

I guess I will just have to let everything play out, and what will be, will be! Despite the best planning, none of us really have any control over life. There will be days when I will feel on top of the world, like I am the best Mommy ever! Other days, something will come along and knock me back down to reality just to make sure I know that I am only human and, despite my best efforts, will not always be able to do everything right. For now, we will all have to wait to see how this story plays out, and I will find out along the way, the answer to that great question - am I ready for this?

Love and blessings,
Jessie

Reflection...

I had no plans to attend church today as I drove to town to take Kaylee to Sunday school for the first time in weeks. Though today was the 165th Anniversary of Holy Ghost Lutheran Church, not to mention the 10 year anniversary of 9-11, I hadn't given any thought to the fact that today would be a great day to go worship in the house of the Lord.

This morning, when we were getting ready, Gene had the Ground Zero program on the television. I sat and watched for a few moments as they read names of those who lost their lives that day, and my emotions started to get the better of me. I mumbled to Gene that this was too sad for me to watch right now and got up to go brush my teeth. I hadn't even thought about the fact that Kaylee was in the room watching, too. On the drive to town, Kaylee asked me, "Mama, why were those people on the t.v. so sad?" I tried to compose myself and come up with the words to explain to my four-year-old what happened on that fatefull day 10 years ago. I must have done a good enough job explaining because after a moment of thought, Kaylee replied, "Mama, I'm going to pray for those planes and the people who died and their families." All I could muster up with tears in my eyes was, "That would be kind."

I didn't lose anyone that day, yet it still brings a lump to my throat to think about all of those who did lose their loved ones. I can't help to think of all of the brave men and women who have lost their lives since defending our freedom because of that day. I think of the families who must be lost as their loved ones continue to fight for our freedoms. Sadly, most days go by without a thought of how different the last 10 years would have been were it not for the terroristic acts of 9-11.

We all remember where we were when the "world stopped turning." I was taking a finance exam, and knew nothing about what had happened until I met up with my college roommate for our Animal Reproduction class in the Kleberg building. I can point out the exact bench I was sitting at when she told me what had happened. I can remember thinking, "This isn't real....this didn't happen." Students were abuzz talking about people they knew who worked in the towers. I can remember one of my friends saying that our Ag Economics professor and is wife were there for a meeting that morning, but word had it, they were okay. For our campus, it was a dreaded reminder of lives lost on our campus just a couple years earlier when bonfire collapsed. That anniversary, too, is coming up soon. You just don't ever think that something like that will happen in your life.

Back to this morning, I dropped Kaylee off at Sunday school and then ran a few errands. I came back to get her when Sunday school was over, and was greeted by Kaylee and her friend, Rylie, ready to go to church. I asked, "Do you REALLY want to go to church?" - secretly hoping she'd change her mind. In the past few weeks, my pregnancy nausea has been a lot to handle, and I wasn't sure if I was prepared to withstand a full church service. I gave in, of course, and we went on our way. I am so glad that I did. Today's message was one that really reached to the core of everything going through my mind. We touched on "scars" and how, good or bad, they help us to remember signifcant events that have impacted our lives. There are scars left from the moment that plane hit the first tower. There are scars left from the moment we found out that we lost fellow Aggies when bonfire collapsed. There will now be scars for all of those who have lost homes and more in this past week to wildfires in Texas and floods to the east. I have a scar on my heart that will remind me each October that we have a child awaiting us in heaven.

I'm glad I went to church today. I think I needed that time of reflection to remember all of the things it hurts to rememeber. I can reflect upon all of those events in my life that made me a stronger person, a better mother, a better Christian. I would hate for there to come a day that I couldn't find solice in my grief. Fore, if we can't do that, all of the loss was useless. If we can't take the sadness of the loss of life on 9-11 and the 10 years since then and turn it into something positive - all is lost. I can honestly say, I hate war, and I hate that our service men and women have to sacrifice so much during war. But, I do support them, I support the cause, and I support the fight. If they weren't out there doing what they have been trained to do, all of those lives lost will have been in vain.

On our ride home from church, I had another talk with Kaylee. She hadn't listened well in church, so I thought she needed some help to understand the message. We went over the 9-11 story once more, and we spoke about the wildfires. I asked her to think about all of the things and people in her life that are important to her. I asked how she would feel if those things and people were taken away without warning. We came to the conclusion, that we have so many things to be thankful for in our lives, and there is never a bad time to stop and thank God for all his blessings he has bestowed upon us. There is never a bad time to think about the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and what he gave up for us. It doesn't have to be Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter to really stop and reflect on all of these things. It can be done at anytime and anywhere.

Thank you, service men and women, for defending our freedoms so that we can live with less fear in our lives. Thank you, Kaylee, for the push to go to church today, and thank you, God, for your one and only son, Jesus Christ. I leave you with these wise words my pastor once told me in a time of hurt, "We, as humans, are imperfect. The world is an imperfect place. Even, God is imperfect. We can't always understand it, but we must trust in God's grace and mercy to help us through."

Love and blessings,
Jessie

Over the hump???

Tommorrow, I will officially be nine weeks pregnant! My baby is nearly an inch in lenth with a fully functioning heart, fingers and toes...and more. I am over the hump, so to speak, compared to our last pregnancy. I've made it a week farther along, so far, and everything is going perfectly! It's difficult not to have that fear in the back of my mind, though - that fear of a loss. I am doing everything in my power to push that fear away, and I am enjoying every moment of this life growing inside of me!

I plan to keep blogging throughout this pregnancy, not only to let our friends and family in on everything that is going on, but so I can remember how I felt throughout this adventure. When I was pregnant with Kaylee, I was working full-time at the title company. My job was stressful, I had all-day morning sickness throughout my first trimester, and I had high bloodpressure the entire time. Looking back, I wish I'd have been able to relax and enjoy being pregnant. That tends to happen, though. We don't remember the good things...only the bad. With this baby, I get to be a stay-at-home-mommy, which is the greatest job in the world! Our baby gets kisses and hugs throughout each day from his/her big sister, and he/she is enjoying a nice, stress-free environment to grow and flourish! My bloodpressure has been doing great and is under control with meds. Though I have waves of nausea and a sleepless night or two to deal with, I am enjoying every moment of this!

I won't bore you all with baby bump photos each week or animated tickers showing our progress. I will admit, I did take a "bump" photo after I got our positive test, but only for reference! Perhaps I'll take another one after we've made it through this first trimester. I can post them together so that everyone can see how much I've been eating these past few weeks!

I will be honest and admit that I have been searching the internet for nursery ideas, trying to decide if we'll get a new crib or use Kaylee's, and of course, wondering if this is going to be a boy or a girl! I've decided we'll get a new crib bedding set, no matter what. Kaylee's is in the same shape as the day we purchased it, but I just want this baby to have something different! Kaylee's crib was a nice crib (and pricey), but it was also recalled. We never had issues with it, but I can't help but want something new and safe - and a different finish! It will be a decision made much later on, and it will also depend on how many houses Gene builds between now and then! As for boy or girl, I still don't know...it's driving me crazy! I knew with Kaylee....somehow. The last pregnancy, I had told Gene before I'd even tested positive that I knew I was pregnant and that it was a girl. We won't know on that one...not until we meet our child in heaven one day. This time, though, I have no clue. Like I said before, I didn't even think I was pregnant! Until we had our ultrasound, my paranoia had me convinced it was twins. Thank goodness, we ruled that out! Now we have this little baby growing in there, and we won't know for a few months whether it's a he or a she! Kaylee says it's a baby brother, but we are convinced that is only because that's what she wants at the moment! My mom's friend, Sweetie, is supposed to be the expert at guessing, and she says boy as well. Only time will tell!

Names.....well, we have them picked out, but we also had Kaylee's name picked out, too! She was Taylor Katherine Leonard until I got pregnant. Then we decided that her name wasn't Taylor...it was Kaylee! When we found out we were pregnant last time, I told Gene that I liked the name Bethany, so that is what we named her. I guess if she turns out to be a he, he may not care to much for us calling him Bethany all these years! This time around, we have a few names on the list. Our top girl name at this time is....well, if I told you now, that would spoil the surprise! We are still debating on a boy name - well, I am! Gene still wants his namesake, but I am opposing it more and more as time goes on for a number of reasons. I've thrown a couple others into the mix for Gene to think on, so we will see! We are thinking it will be early November when we find out for sure whether this is a boy or a girl. Whenever we find out, we'll be sure to let you all know!!!

Well, that is all of the exciting news I have for now! Things have been pretty uneventful, and I look forward to them staying that way. If you don't mind, keep us in your prayers and thoughts, and we will let you know about anything new when there's anything new to know about!

Love and Blessings,
Jessie