Am I Ready for This???

So, we had a parent's meeting last night at Kaylee's dance school. The purpose of the meeting was to discuss competitions, dates, fees, etc. I thought the money part would be the most difficult for me to swallow, but it wasn't that bad, at all. For now, Kaylee will just be doing group dances. The real big bucks come in with additional solos and other dances. We'll have to pinch a few more pennies here and there, but I think we can handle the financials for now!

The real big shock came about when the dates of the competitions were read out. First competition, March 31st thru April 1st (i.e. a week before my due date). Second competion, April 13th thru April 15th (i.e.  a week after my due date). Third competition, April 20th thru April 22nd (i.e. the weekend of Aggie Muster). It really didn't set in until this morning when I was programing everything into my phone calender, how  much this is really going to impact our lives.

Lord knows, having a baby is stressful enough without scheduling conflicts. I can tell you right now that Kaylee will NOT be doing t-ball in the spring! I just can't handle it, and I know there would be no way to fit that, too, into her already buzzing schedule! I am running through scenarios in my head of how everything is going to pan out already. Maybe the baby will come a couple weeks early? Reality check...will I be able to take a week old baby to Kaylee's first competition? Will the baby arrive on it's due date? Okay, then we have an Easter weekend baby...making planning birthday parties interesting on certain years. Still, I can handle that. Surely, I can handle whatever comes along, but am I ready for it?

We are very fortunate and blessed to have some friends and family who have stepped in to say that they will make sure Kaylee gets to and from competitions and has an enjoyable experience, should we not be able to be there ourselves. Still, my heart breaks to think that I may miss my baby girl's first competition, or any of them for that matter. A good mommy would be there to fix her hair and put on her make-up. A good mommy would be there to take pictures so that she has those memories to treasure for years to come. A good mommy would be there to cheer her on as she dances her heart out on the stage in front of an audience. Am I ready to miss out on this?

On my end, what if I am having the baby on a competition day? Kaylee will have to miss the birth of her brother or sister. My sister will not be able to be by my side to help me through my labor and cut the cord like she was with Kaylee. How sad would it be to not have some of the people closest to my heart there when this new life comes into this world to meet us? It brings tears to my eyes to even think about it!

One might ask, "Why not wait another year for Kaylee to do competition?" I ask the same question myself. She wants to do it so badly, though, and I just don't have the heart to tell her that she can't do it! How do you tell a little girl that is putting everything she has into something that she will just have to wait? I can't do that. I can't tell my little girl that she can do anything she sets her heart to, then turn around and take it away. I won't do it!

Am I ready for this? It's not like things are ever going to slow down. Kaylee is getting older. She is doing dance and soccer, now. Next year, we'll add school into the mix. Then 4-H and stockshows get mixed in. Not to mention, there's this other little one here that will be needing us, too! I guess every mother going from one child to two goes through this anxiety at some point. Every mother asks themselves, "Am I ready for this?"

I guess I will just have to let everything play out, and what will be, will be! Despite the best planning, none of us really have any control over life. There will be days when I will feel on top of the world, like I am the best Mommy ever! Other days, something will come along and knock me back down to reality just to make sure I know that I am only human and, despite my best efforts, will not always be able to do everything right. For now, we will all have to wait to see how this story plays out, and I will find out along the way, the answer to that great question - am I ready for this?

Love and blessings,
Jessie