I had no plans to attend church today as I drove to town to take Kaylee to Sunday school for the first time in weeks. Though today was the 165th Anniversary of Holy Ghost Lutheran Church, not to mention the 10 year anniversary of 9-11, I hadn't given any thought to the fact that today would be a great day to go worship in the house of the Lord.
This morning, when we were getting ready, Gene had the Ground Zero program on the television. I sat and watched for a few moments as they read names of those who lost their lives that day, and my emotions started to get the better of me. I mumbled to Gene that this was too sad for me to watch right now and got up to go brush my teeth. I hadn't even thought about the fact that Kaylee was in the room watching, too. On the drive to town, Kaylee asked me, "Mama, why were those people on the t.v. so sad?" I tried to compose myself and come up with the words to explain to my four-year-old what happened on that fatefull day 10 years ago. I must have done a good enough job explaining because after a moment of thought, Kaylee replied, "Mama, I'm going to pray for those planes and the people who died and their families." All I could muster up with tears in my eyes was, "That would be kind."
I didn't lose anyone that day, yet it still brings a lump to my throat to think about all of those who did lose their loved ones. I can't help to think of all of the brave men and women who have lost their lives since defending our freedom because of that day. I think of the families who must be lost as their loved ones continue to fight for our freedoms. Sadly, most days go by without a thought of how different the last 10 years would have been were it not for the terroristic acts of 9-11.
We all remember where we were when the "world stopped turning." I was taking a finance exam, and knew nothing about what had happened until I met up with my college roommate for our Animal Reproduction class in the Kleberg building. I can point out the exact bench I was sitting at when she told me what had happened. I can remember thinking, "This isn't real....this didn't happen." Students were abuzz talking about people they knew who worked in the towers. I can remember one of my friends saying that our Ag Economics professor and is wife were there for a meeting that morning, but word had it, they were okay. For our campus, it was a dreaded reminder of lives lost on our campus just a couple years earlier when bonfire collapsed. That anniversary, too, is coming up soon. You just don't ever think that something like that will happen in your life.
Back to this morning, I dropped Kaylee off at Sunday school and then ran a few errands. I came back to get her when Sunday school was over, and was greeted by Kaylee and her friend, Rylie, ready to go to church. I asked, "Do you REALLY want to go to church?" - secretly hoping she'd change her mind. In the past few weeks, my pregnancy nausea has been a lot to handle, and I wasn't sure if I was prepared to withstand a full church service. I gave in, of course, and we went on our way. I am so glad that I did. Today's message was one that really reached to the core of everything going through my mind. We touched on "scars" and how, good or bad, they help us to remember signifcant events that have impacted our lives. There are scars left from the moment that plane hit the first tower. There are scars left from the moment we found out that we lost fellow Aggies when bonfire collapsed. There will now be scars for all of those who have lost homes and more in this past week to wildfires in Texas and floods to the east. I have a scar on my heart that will remind me each October that we have a child awaiting us in heaven.
I'm glad I went to church today. I think I needed that time of reflection to remember all of the things it hurts to rememeber. I can reflect upon all of those events in my life that made me a stronger person, a better mother, a better Christian. I would hate for there to come a day that I couldn't find solice in my grief. Fore, if we can't do that, all of the loss was useless. If we can't take the sadness of the loss of life on 9-11 and the 10 years since then and turn it into something positive - all is lost. I can honestly say, I hate war, and I hate that our service men and women have to sacrifice so much during war. But, I do support them, I support the cause, and I support the fight. If they weren't out there doing what they have been trained to do, all of those lives lost will have been in vain.
On our ride home from church, I had another talk with Kaylee. She hadn't listened well in church, so I thought she needed some help to understand the message. We went over the 9-11 story once more, and we spoke about the wildfires. I asked her to think about all of the things and people in her life that are important to her. I asked how she would feel if those things and people were taken away without warning. We came to the conclusion, that we have so many things to be thankful for in our lives, and there is never a bad time to stop and thank God for all his blessings he has bestowed upon us. There is never a bad time to think about the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and what he gave up for us. It doesn't have to be Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter to really stop and reflect on all of these things. It can be done at anytime and anywhere.
Thank you, service men and women, for defending our freedoms so that we can live with less fear in our lives. Thank you, Kaylee, for the push to go to church today, and thank you, God, for your one and only son, Jesus Christ. I leave you with these wise words my pastor once told me in a time of hurt, "We, as humans, are imperfect. The world is an imperfect place. Even, God is imperfect. We can't always understand it, but we must trust in God's grace and mercy to help us through."
Love and blessings,
Jessie
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