Whoa!!!!

I know, it's been quite awhile since I have posted a new blog. At this very moment, I have my six week old baby boy resting on my chest. It makes typing a bit more difficult, but he's demanding like that!

The past six weeks have flown by, and my response for that is, "Whoa!!!" Of course, there are a few things I don't mind saying goodbye to like the sleepless nights where Bryson was waking up every hour and a half to eat, the emotional rollercoaster of post partum hormones, and breastfeeding.

Let's take this week by week.

Week 1: While thrilled to finally have my baby boy home, I felt like a new mom, again. Being that Bryson was born on a Wednesday, Gene was already back to work that Friday, leaving me with both kids for the first time. Kaylee was unhappy that Bryson was taking so much time away from her, and she didn't understand why he cried so much. Let me tell you, we did our best to prepare her, but I'm afraid it was a waste of time. On a positive note, I was down 20 pounds by the end of that first week! I tried to remain positive that the next week would be easier.

Week 2: It was during week two that I felt the post-partum depression rear it's ugly head. It seemed that nothing I did pleased either child of mine. One day, Gene came home to find me breastfeeding and bawling my head off. I was just so tired, Kaylee was at the top of her ornery stage, and Bryson was colicky. The stress was getting to me, and I started gaining weight back very quickly. Bryson had his two week checkup this week, and he was down a pound from his birth weight. I hadn't been able to make enough milk to please him, so we had to begin supplementing with formula. It just seemed that nothing was going as planned. To friends and family, I did my best to put on my "everything is wonderful" face, but inside, the sadness was eating away at me.

Week 3: After two weeks without sleeping more than a two hour stretch of time, I was beginning to lose it. Since we were supplementing, now, this meant Gene could take care of Bryson for a night to help me out. I thought, "Just a night or two of sleep will make it all better." Unfortunately, Gene was was so cranky after one night with him, that I had to take him back the second night. I told him it was much easier to deal with my own grouchy attitude than to deal with his. The last thing our family needed was four cranky people! This week, Bryson had a weight check at the doctor's office, and we got some good news that he was finally thriving with the addition of formula! Finally, some good news!

Week 4: At this point, things were finally starting to mesh at home. Kaylee had finally realized that sharing us wouldn't be the end of the world. It probably didn't hurt that most of our weekends were centered around her dance competitions the past four weeks. I was able to do more for her now that I wasn't breastfeeding as much, too. Bryson had his four week checkup, and he was finally the size of an average newborn. His only issue was that he wasn't pooping without stimulation. We decided to change formula to see if it helped with that problem.

Week 5: That weekend, we took Bryson to meet one of his great-grandmothers, went out to eat in San Antonio, and took Kaylee to get her t-ball equipment. That Sunday, Omie and Opie came to the house for a visit, and Bryson let loose on Opie some awful diarrhea! We didn't think much of it, since he had started going on his own since we changed the formula. I figured he may have been reacting to that or something that he got through my breastmilk. That Monday, I had to get some recalls repaired on my car, so we went to Boerne and took care of that. We swung by the Rim to pick up a couple items we needed, and then we went to eat at Olive Garden. Bryson's diarrhea had continued throughout that day, so I called the doctor's office to see what she thought. She suggested switching him to soy formula. I was already at home for the day, so I planned on picking some up the following day. That night, when Bryson awoke that early morning for feeding, he was very warm. I took his temperature, and he was running a fever of just over 101. I gave him Tylenol, fed and changed him, and put him back to bed. When he awoke that morning, his fever was up to 102.6. He wasn't acting like his normal self, either, so I called the doctor. They suggested we come in to see her at 1:45 that afternoon. I gave him more Tylenol, in the meantime. His fever would go down, but never below 101. At the doctor, he was even more listless than he'd been that morning. He was burning up, grunting, and his skin was mottled. Something was not right, but it's difficult to tell in an infant without a more thorough examination. We could see concern on Dr. Howard's face as she examined him. She sat down and begin to explain the situation to us. She said that, in the past, when an infant under six weeks old came to the office with a fever of over 101, they would automatically admit them to the hospital for testing, fluids and IV antibiotics. She said that, presently, if the baby doesn't seem like they are in immediate danger, they will give an antibiotic shot at the office and send them home. At that point, I was expecting that to be the course of action. That's when she told us that Bryson was a sick baby, and she would not feel comfortable sending him home at that point in time. She has recently given up her pediatric privileges at Hill Country Memorial Hospital because the staff isn't trained well enough to care for little ones like Bryson. (My mother, an ICU nurse, agrees 100% with this assertion.) She told us she would like to send him to a children's hospital to get the best possible care. She gave us a run-through of what kind of tests they would do and what they would be looking for. We agreed to take him, so she began calling to try to get us a direct admit into the hospital. None of the hospitals wanted to take a direct admit, so we would have to go through their ER. All I wanted to do was break down and cry, but my five year old was already upset at the news. I couldn't show fear at this point. We assured her that the doctors would make Bryson all better, and that he would be back home soon. Kaylee stayed with Opie, and Omie came with us to Children's Methodist Hospital in San Antonio. The staff there was excellent, and they took him right through the sliding glass window to begin his workup. He had a fever of over 102 when we got to the ER. They took him to a room and a doctor came in to explain everything to us about the seriousness of the situation. She explained that it could be something as simple as a virus, but it could be much worse. Time was of the essence, as infants can go from good to bad in a matter of minutes. They began the workup taking blood, urine, and stool. They performed a spinal tap and did chest x-rays. He was started on IV antibiotics and a saline solution to rehydrate him. In an hour, the main tests all came back clear. He had low blood sugar, but that was rectified with a feeding. The cultures they took would take hours to come back, at that point, he was admitted, and we just had to wait for a room to become available. At 11 that night, we were still waiting, so I went ahead and sent Gene and mom home. Bryson and I settled in for a wait. Little did I know, it would be a long one!

Week 5: Wednesday morning, Bryson turned five weeks old, and we were still sitting in the ER waiting for a room. I was worried, exhausted and hungry. The morning wasn't all bad, though. Bryson was already looking better from the fluids he'd been given - a good sign. Another doctor stopped by that morning with more good news. The cultures that had been growing for the past twelve hours had shown no signs of a bacterial infection. They did find a virus in his spinal fluid, though, and it was looking like that was the culprit. I called Gene to let him know. He had plans to run jobs that morning, and then he'd come to the hospital. In all my exhaustion, I broke down on the phone with him, telling him how awful of a night it had been with no sleep. I told him how they had informed me earlier that morning that they had ordered me a breakfast tray, but I might not get it, being that the ER was at the bottom of the totem pole when it came to the kitchen delivering food. I had eaten a peanut butter sandwich for lunch the day before, and it was long gone. We hadn't eaten that evening through the hustle and bustle of things. I told him how they told me that we may not get a room, and there was a possibility we'd be stuck down in the ER the entire time. Don't get me wrong, they were very nice, but ER doesn't stand for patient care! They are used to diagnosing and admitting you and then sending you on your way upstairs. I even had to remind them to come give Bryson more Tylenol every single time. They would take his temperature, and then they'd forget to come back to give the meds. Gene was frustrated at the situation, so he changed his plans and came straight to the hospital instead. We spent the majority of the day in the ER, until we FINALLY got a room around mid-afternoon. The nurses got us settled in upstairs and told me to get some rest. I took a shower and climbed into bed. It was a relief! They continued the IV antibiotics even though the cultures still showed no bacteria. We were told that they would continue them either way because of the risk of him picking up some other bacteria while in the hospital. Sad...right?!! You don't think of the possibility of getting other illnesses in a place meant to heal. We had some family stop by to visit shortly after we got settled in the room. It was nice to see some familiar faces! Gene got us dinner, we ate, and then it was time for him to head home. He had to pick up Kaylee from Omie and Opie's and get her ready to go to work with him the next day. My best friend, Amy, came to keep me company after he left until visiting hours were over that night. It was wonderful to have someone to visit with! The next morning, the doctor stopped by to let me know that the cultures still showed no bacteria, and he would do his best to get us released by the afternoon. He stuck by his word, too, and we received our discharge papers shortly before noon. I called Gene, and he came to pick us up! Bryson ran fever for another three days at home, but other than that, he has shown no lasting affects from the virus. His final diagnosis was viral meningitis. Such a fancy name for something that just has to run it's course!

Week 6: My baby turned six weeks old on Wednesday, and he is doing wonderful. Other than still having diarrhea, he is perfectly healthy. He weighed in at over 10 pounds at his one week followup! He is turning out to be quite the chunky monkey, now that he's caught up! Mommy is quite the chunky monkey herself... I ended up gaining back 10 pounds of that 20 that I had initially lost. I am having a hard time with getting back in the swing of things, not getting enough exercise and snacking too much. My doctor put me back on metformin to help me regulate my hormone imbalance and boost my weightloss. The last thing I want to do is let my PCOS take over again before I get the chance to have another baby. I had always wanted to be done having my kids before 30, and here I sit at 31. I guess some plans get changed!

I am looking forward to, not necessarily having things get easier, but getting better at dealing with things. I realize, now that six weeks have flown by, that I am not getting them back. I can't slow time down, but I can slow down and enjoy my time with these sweet loves of my life! I am in no means in the driver's seat of my life at this point, but I'll gladly hang out on the passenger side for the ride! The house may not be clean, the yard may look unkempt and things may be in disarray, but I have my babies in my arms only for a short while! I will continue to tell myself this and hope for the best! When things start getting too busy, and I begin to get ahead of myself, I just have to tell myself, "Whoa!!!" Then, I can take a step back, and get back in the swing of things! Wish me luck!!!

Love and blessings,
Jessie